Questions and language learning

Well here we are! We have officially been here 1 month and 2 weeks. Can you believe it? In some ways it feels like we have been here a whole lot longer and in other ways it feels like we just got here. We are settling in past our initial adjustment phase and continue to build new relationships, and meet more and more people. We now are getting hit with our new phase. The wondering about cultural things we don't quite understand, and how it changes when we walk into the room. Or on to the street. What are we missing simply because we are not Cambodian. This is kind of hard and frustrating because we don't want to change what we see just because we are there, but we also can't see unless we show up. So... I guess time will tell what we are missing.

Language learning is very similar because we still don't know very much, and it is hard to go out and practice with so little to practice with. I can effectively shop, and get around in a tuk tuk without Chris, but sometimes I don't want to. I want to have a car with a trunk, not a backpack, and I want to go to Walmart or City Market, not a little corner market and the Russian Market. Days I don't feel like stumbling through language learning I want to hunker down, and go to a store in my car, and come home. However this is not reality and I double check what food we do have and see how creative I can get. But eventually I must go to the store or market, unless Chris goes.

This last week Chris has an allergic reaction to something (we think passion fruit or maybe a recent vaccine), and it was frustrating to not know. It was frustrating to not even be sure what was new because most things are still new for us. However is on the mend and it looks like things should continue to get better, and he will just be avoiding the yummy passion fruit for now.

What do you want to hear about?? What do you want to know?? What questions do you have?? Please leave a comment and let me know! I'd love to write about things you care about, as well as family updates and what Jesus is teaching me. You know the best ideas come while on a tuk tuk with two kids and we get home, and I cannot remember what I wanted to blog about while on the tuk tuk. :)

Games with new friends! 

Layla rocking those rain boot "house shoes" 

Our first date night in Cambodia! 

The girls asked me take their adorable picture on our way to meet the team for our weekly lunch meeting. 

Every family has a comfort food. Somewhere between Colorado and Phnom Penh ours became pancakes. Either banana, plain or chocolate chip. Or some combination of the three. 

Insecurity/Fear and our God.

Last week was a hard week. We began missing home, the girls were testing their boundaries all week, I had a cold, and I got hit with a wave of insecurity that seemed to knock me off balance. It was hard. I didn't want to work on building relationships we had started, I didn't want to practice Khmer, I was worried about what others thought, and I was fearful for what my kids' deal was.

It is very safe to say that this week has been so much better than last. The girls got over and through their boundary testing, and are back to their normal fun selves, and through prayer and talking with others I have found insecurity once again melting away.

The other night we spent time out in the neighborhood, loving on kids, playing, and practicing and using Khmer as much as possible. It was so fun, I even got to meet and cuddle a sweet little 2 month baby girl that lives just a few houses down.

Yesterday especially was so fun! I used more Khmer than I have yet in a day, and the more I forced myself to use it the more my confidence built during the day. The girls did great all day, and we had fun doing school, going to the market, the supermarket and lunch with the team. Then I headed to language class, and walked home with a classmate who I seem to be forming a fast friendship with. She and her husband will be our first non-teammates to come to our home for dinner on Saturday night. It has been neat to see how many people in our neighborhood are excited to help, and allow us to practice our Khmer with them. They are wonderful. Yesterday was a good fun day.

All of this to say fighting our insecurities is worth it. I have struggled with insecurity most of my life. For sure a lot of my adult life. About 3 years ago I felt a call to let go, and allow God to really work in my heart in the area of fear. He did this also in college. Each time it is painful, and wonderful. Last summer God really gripped me with wanting to heal the things in my heart that feed my insecurity, and showed me a glimpse of what life here in Cambodia could look like if I was willing to let go. Open up and love people well, without fear of what they are thinking, or what they might do.

This has been surprisingly  easy up until last week. God showed me last week how fear, and insecurity can wreck havoc on living somewhere well. Especially living here well. Here we need to be open, loving, and ok with being that weird family. In a community where the majority of the people have a different worldview, and different religious beliefs we are going to be different, stand out and even at times seem very weird. I can't control what is said about us, but I can control letting them see Jesus in my life and in the life of our family. Fear has no place where there is perfect love. We choose daily to parent from a place of love instead of fear, and to build relationships out of love and not fear. Why not do that with everything God has called us to.

This week has been so much better coming out of the darkness of my own fear and insecurity, allowing my God who is big, mighty, and loving to wash over it. To cover that insecurity with His security. To move me into this new life of His so very gently. To allow me to walk with Him, amongst people He loves. As He continues to work on this in my heart I have no doubt that the joy He brings will flow, and I cannot wait to see what God does here in me, and in people around me.

Don't hide in your insecurities. Don't hide because of your fears. Our God is greater, and is able. He is powerful, and He is good. If you struggle in this area like me, be patient with yourself, and allow God to work on it, in His way, little by little. The person I was when He started this work in me in College is nowhere near who I am now. He is faithful to complete the work He begins, and I cannot wait to see what He has done in a few years in making me into who He made me to be.

As always here are some cute pictures of what our sweet girls have been up to. :)

Amirah spends a lot of our mornings reading. :) She loves her books! 

Layla got up from their bed, but when she climbed into ours decided she needed another hour or so of sleep. 

Every week we have a staff meeting lunch with the team in a food court near our school. The girls usually make a friend to play with while we talk. This was them playing this week. 

Today we went to our first playgroup! It was so fun, and at a cool new urban play area! Layla was so excited to see swings and get to swing! 

As always the tuk tuks are our main transportation if we aren't walking, and the girls love them. 

Closing in on a month in Cambodia

Well here we are! W

e have officially been here more than 4 weeks, and in a few days it will be a month! It has been a wonderful month, and a hard month.

This week especially has been hard. We are missing family, both family of choice in Durango, and family, family in Colorado Springs. I have been missing open spaces, green, and playgrounds. (Although our pool is a huge blessing in this area of my life!) I miss certain foods that we can't quite seem to make or get here... Language school is this weird mix of hard and fun, and exhausting. Trying to figure out key aspects to the new culture we live in is exhausting. I miss running errands and just putting things I pick up along the way in the trunk of my car. (yet my new backpack is a step in the right direction for that...)

All that to say, the hardest thing this week has been parenting. Hmmm... I think this would be the case anywhere in the world ;). The girls seem to have settled in, and now are testing their boundaries, on top of just being almost 4 and almost 2. They have pushed and pushed us all week long. We've questioned our parenting strategies and reflected on what seems like progress... We know they will relax and things will ease up a bit once they are sure that the normal boundaries apply to today, here, in this home.

God has been comforting me, and reminding me of how He handles us, His kids. Letting us choose to throw that fit, and then coming in gently afterward to give us the truth nugget we need in His still small voice. Letting us do it our way, and offering a suggestion when that way didn't work, and our hearts are softer to what He was originally asking us to do... He is so good and patient with us. Perfectly balancing when to come in and hold us, as our refuge and safe haven, and when to step back, and wait for the tantrum to be over. I am encouraged by this.

Our home is a safe place. A place that is safe to throw the fit you need to throw and handle the consequences after. A place to try it your own way, and if/when that doesn't work try it the way you were being advised (even though it takes longer). A safe place to learn when and how to listen, and obey. A place to learn to negotiate, politely and kindly. I love that about our home. This is exhausting however, especially while trying to learn to live cross culturally, and learn a language so different from our heart language.

I don't want to be one to complain ever. My hope is that this is more of an honest post. Maybe an encouraging one for other parents who like us have had a rough week, and are wondering if they are doing this thing right or if they need to shift gears. Mostly likely you are doing it right, God made you your kids' parent for a reason, you were the best for your children. So be encouraged, and continue to seek Him in your parenting journey.



"Picnicking" by the pool like we used to do all the time in parks in Colorado. A good way to end a hard week. :) We also had a family fun day today. Such a great day with fun girls!

The good with the challenges

Before leaving the US I often wrote about the challenges my heart was facing as we prepared to move our family to the other side of the globe. Saying goodbyes, selling our possessions, trying to pack what we needed, planning to miss people, heartache with each gut-wrenching goodbye, and trying to take comfort in people planning to visit and wonderful technology.

However since we got here it has been mostly the good. That is because it has been so very, very good. I have been amazed at feeling like we were created for this, all four of us. To live here, to do life here, and to love people here. We were made to open our hearts to those around us, and to do life with people. We were for this. I was thinking earlier today about something a missionary that visited our church in Durango told me probably close to 10 years ago, and it has shaped so much of who I am now, and how I view my life. "Wherever you are, be there with all your heart." I don't remember his name. All I do remember is that we were talking to him about wanting to be missionaries overseas someday, and he stopped us and told us that. Later we kind of laughed about it because we just wanted to get to where we were meant to be. However, later in life it came back over and over again and the Holy Spirit has used that for the last 10 years to teach me and shape me into who I am and who I am becoming. As I learn to embrace that idea I feel like I could live anywhere, and it could be mostly easy. When you are where you are, with all your heart, investing in people you meet, and spending time on things that matter, it is much easier to enjoy all the good, and not think too much about the bad or the challenges. God is so good, and we definitely can feel our ministry team praying for us, as we are settling in here. We do not want to lead any of you following our story with the illusion that everything is super easy or exactly like home, so today I wanted to share some of our biggest challenges which we tend to laugh about most of the time because what else is there to do but laugh about them?

So try to laugh with us, here are some of the biggest challenges right now: 

- It is a cash based economy, meaning no credit cards. We have operated most of our marriage and adult life with credit and/or debit cards almost exclusively...It's sad when you get to the supermarket and realize you forgot to check how much money you had in your wallet, and now can only get half your list because you didn't bring enough money.

- It is kind of nice to deal in dollars, and it's not so bad to deal in riels... however dealing in both simultaneously is HARD! Everywhere we go you are paying and receiving change in both currencies. Although we are now starting to get used to it, it is still hard to know if you got the right change etc. when you are constantly going back and forth between the two, and harder still to pay in the market with prices in either currency and you have an almost 4 year old and almost 2 year old you are trying to keep tabs on, while you do the math, find the bills you have, and pay. 

- Bugs... they are everywhere, but mostly at night. We joke they have other things to do than eat us during the day. We also opted to let a gecko stay in the apartment, instead of kicking him out in hopes that he'd eat said bugs. One of our patio doors doesn't have a screen, we are working on getting that remedied, but when electricity is $0.25 kilowatt we are trying to only run A/C at night so doors and windows are open during the day. 

- Tuk tuk drivers are awesome. We love them, they keep us from having to walk everywhere in the high humidity and blazing heat. However sometimes it can be a challenge to give directions in a language we are still learning, and aren't the best at. Thankfully we have become friends with a few who are very patient with us. 

- Hot... to be fair it isn't as hot as it will be later this year. There are days that it feels wonderful and days where the humidity must be higher and it feels hot. The other day even Layla was wiping sweat off her forehead as we walked back from the market. 

- No bath tub. No oven. Now these two we have pretty much remedied. The girls are beginning to enjoy showers, and can play with bath toys when we go swimming. At the end of last week we got a toaster oven! 

- Learning to cook in a toaster oven... it seems to be a little different... I think I can eventually figure it out (I hope). :) 

- No parks/playgrounds near by. The girls are however finding the street and the pool as good replacements. 

- Grocery shopping... I miss my City Market... It's hard to know where I can find what, and what is worth paying a little more for and what isn't. The market nearby seems the best place to get fruit and veggies, but meat is still a big old question mark for the best place to get it... and many baking type things I need to get at the supermarket... if they have it... then there is Layla's beloved milk, we found one that doesn't make her puke, and taste pretty good... but it seems to be carried only a few places. I can get spices etc. at the market... but it always seems we have a list and there are multiple places we need to go.. which means lots of walking or tuk tuk rides. 

- Shopping in the market is fun, the fruit is yummy, and the girls and I love going together. The funny thing is when you by a 1/2 kilo of this, and a kilo of that... all the way down the street your bag is suddenly very full and heavy for the 10 min walk home. I will soon be getting a backpack to help with the weight and managing the girls as I shop. 

-When your brain hurts from language school, home school, and trying to communicate and make friends with the neighbors. I hear that will eventually get easier. 

-Trying to find the "right" home church. We feel like this is a huge decision because we tend to invest deeply where we decide to plant ourselves. We are trying new and different churches than we have tried before, and trying to be very sensitive to wherever God leads us as our new Cambodia church home. 

See, nothing too bad. Truly just challenges of adjusting to a new place. We had similar things when we moved from Durango to Colorado Springs...there were less, but truly we expected more this first month here, and we do tend to laugh about most of these things together. Like the money thing... "Oh I could only get 4 things at Lucky's because I forgot to bring money to go to Lucky's, I'll try again tomorrow." hahaha... It's amazing that when you are doing your best to live intentionally, how much of our lives translates to other places. Jesus matters, people matter, our family matters, time together matters, and everything falls under these categories, they just might look a little different. Lots and lots of grace for each other helps quite a bit too. ;) 

Relationships

The best way I would sum out this last week is relationships. We are beginning to form and build new relationships more and more, and strengthen team relationships. We are quickly building relationships with the apartment complex cleaning ladies, and our favorite tuk tuk drivers. We go down and play with the neighbors in our neighborhood, and are attempting to build friendships. We recently were upstairs swimming, and made some new friends with another lady and her son (the girls' age). We are doing language school and developing friendships there with both other students and teachers. Then we have also been spending time with the team, which is so fun, to hear and share about hat we are experiencing trying to set up our homes, starting school, and just normal day to day life.

Yesterday I had two new friendships truly begin. One was with a classmate who is older than I am, and so, so sweet. We got out of class early, and spent some time walking a shopping center together and learning some of each others' stories. So fun, and I think very meaningful for both of us. I had this feeling she just needed a friend to talk to. (don't we all??) Then I came home and the girls and I went up to swim. Where we met another new friend. She start pouring her heart out about family issues, worries, fears, concerns, sadness... I mostly just listened. Told her how sad it was, and that we were here if she needed anything, at the end of the quite long conversation we introduced ourselves. Tonight I saw her again, and we chatted some more.

We have been having regular conversations with our favorite tuk tuk drivers, they are so kind to the girls and to us. One of our favorites always wants to talk about God with us on Sundays on our way to church or home from church. He seems really interested in what we really believe, and definitely seems to be exploring for himself what he believes.

I was reflecting on all these new relationships today, and I came to a few conclusions:

1.) When we decided to jump into this expat/missionary life I didn't realize the expat community we would be joining, by default. When I did learn of it, I was terrified of being trapped there, getting comfortable with other expats and never wanting to truly love and create relationships with people outside of that community. I even had a mindset of trying to do as little as possible with other expats because I didn't want to get trapped. What I am seeing after yesterday especially is that expats need other expats. Maybe not all the time, but the need is still there. I also am seeing how part of why God brought us here is to minister to, and share life with everyone here in Cambodia. Cambodian people for sure, but also expats He puts in our lives. To share Christ, and to love the way He does.

2) Our language learning is huge for building meaningful relationships with Cambodian people. We cannot do this well without truly knowing the Khmer language. As we are learning I find new motivation in hopes that someday soon we can discuss the things of God more clearly and accurately with our tuk tuk driver. Also that we can share more of Jesus with those around us, but being able to show how much we care and love because we have words in their language for those things.

God is truly opening up my heart to want to love more, to love well, and let His joy, His love, and His peace flow freely out of me. Right now the best I have with most people I come in contact with is a smile, and a hello in Khmer.

Please be praying for our new friend and her family issues, they are deep, sad, and a family who is really hurting right now. Also be praying for our tuk tuk driver to come to Jesus. Also please be praying for us as we are engaging more and more with the Khmer language. Pray for boldness to practice with whomever will practice with us, and mental capacity to retain all that we are learning.

Sunday night we had our first family game night, in Cambodia! Candy land, Dad won the first game and Mom won the second... No participant trophies in this house. ;) 

School. It feel so good to be back in the swing of Hardrick preschool. 

More school.

Making Friends Helps Us Feel More At Home.

You know that day when people around you realize you are going to be here for awhile? In many ways that day for us was today. We went to the Russian Market for some groceries, and when I was buying some nuts, spices and dried fruit from a lady she told me she new she'd be seeing me again soon. I told her yes! She is so sweet to the girls, they just love her. At the market we got to hang out with some teammates, and then they came over and hung out for awhile. Amirah loved playing with Miss Vicky, and Miss Anna.

Miss Vicky reading to and playing with Amirah. 

The best part of today though was after the girls woke up from nap. We headed downstairs armed with a ball. This ball was what we were planning to use to lure the neighborhood kids to come play with us, and it worked! They played and played! It was so fun, Amirah was glowing from time with new friends, and all the adults were eager to meet us and our kids. It kind of seemed like word got out that we were hanging out and playing and families just kept coming over to play! So fun! We are really going to enjoy getting to know them this year! I am so excited to learn more Khmer soon, so I can more effectively begin to speak with our fun, kind neighbors.

Playing with the neighborhood kids! Soccer was pretty much the game. :) 

 Then we ended our fun filled evening with pizza! This place, Brooklyn Pizza is one of the best. Durango friends think Homesclice. :)

Layla chowing down.

Amirah being goofy, and fun!

Layla and Daddy eagerly awaiting the pizzas arrival. 

In other news, I was able to start language school this week! I am in the same course as Chris but it is in the afternoons and part-time. So I am making new friends and building more skills for speaking more effectively in Khmer! Yesterday was kind of a hard day, two tuk tuk rides without Chris and I got both of the drivers lost. Then jumping into language class, which wasn't expected, and the girls were nit-picky with each other. 

Not everyday is a great fun day like today was, but we are definitely having more of those these first two weeks than hard days. Each day we are exhausted, and ready for bed early, but we are enjoying it here. Thank you for praying for us! I am confident that our fairly easy adjustment so far, our comfort, and the abounding grace we are feeling is coming straight from peoples' willingness to pray for us. To pray for the little the little things. I am relearning the power of prayer in a whole new way. 

God has been challenging me in this way a lot the last 2-3 weeks. It is so easy for me to ask others to pray for me or for my family before I even pray for what's on my heart. It is so easy for me pray for others before I stop to present my requests to God. He has been challenging me with trusting Him more, trusting Him enough to boldly present my requests to Him, and confidently know that He hears, He cares, and He will answer. I am so humbled by the fact that so many friends are continually praying for us, and that God cares enough about us to meet us here, in our new home. Be encourage, He cares about you, He hears you, He hears your heart, and He will answer. Have the faith to approach Him. He will meet you where you are. 

*One funny thing today a Cambodian person asked Amirah where she was from today, she told them Cambodia. They laughed, and asked her if she liked it here, she said yes, they told her she was from here then. :)*

Settling in...

Well we have been here 10 days, I think in the next day or two will officially mark the longest I have ever been in Cambodia. Some things are feeling more and more like home. Like finding dishes! And the fact that just like wherever I call home, I have laundry to do and dishes to wash, baths (or showers here) to give, and kids to love on, play with, and teach. We are slowly making friends with our favorite tuk tuk driver and even got to have a short beliefs conversation with him yesterday. He is becoming our best "language helper" and is very kind.

The dishes we found after hunting and hunting

On Friday night we hosted our first gathering of friends in our new home, the whole team made it! Yay!! We are learning how to keep cool, without our A/C running all the time, and feel pretty proud of ourselves when we make it all day before we turn it on for the girls to nap or to go to bed. Coming from 3 degrees F when we left Colorado that feels like a great adjustment! In fact yesterday as we headed to church it was only 85, and on the tuk tuk I almost felt like I could use a jacket. ;) I am finding that I have to clean so much more which has made me so appreciative of the cleaning help that is included in the rent we pay. With the girls we have ants etc. running around and cleaning is even more on going than it was in the US. As a bonus, the cleaning are so fun to learn and practice Khmer with!

Playing with our teammates at the pool! 

The girls enjoying the open door, and the cool breeze.

Some things are the exact same as in the US like when the girls don't think they need a nap, or decide they need to throw a fit. We are back in our home-school preschool curriculum and they are eating it up. Even little Layla is loving doing school.


Amirah doing school, and trapping ants at the same time! Layla being oh so cute in her pigtails!

One of the harder things here so far is that Layla loves milk, but every kind we have tried so far seems to make her vomit. We thought the UHT milk was our winning one, but seems even that on an empty stomach makes her sick. We have one more kind to try from a local dairy here, maybe it will be ok.

One of our favorite things here remains the tuk tuks, and the girls love going to the markets... that could because they get free snacks and candy from vendors because they are so cute.

Life is developing into a new normal for us, and I am surprised at how normal it all already feels. Even doing laundry and dishes I am finding that having to hang our clothes up to dry makes putting them away easier, so less clean laundry needing to be put away piles up on our bed. Win! Also seeing all the clean dishes in the dish rack makes me remember they need put away, instead of them hidden in a dishwasher, so they get put away more frequently! Win!

^^ Our new dryer! It works pretty quickly and Amirah loves to put clothes out and take them with me. Also when there isn't any haze, you can see mountains in this same direction! Well at least big hills. Made it feel even a little more like home. :)

Layla "helping" sweep. 

The sunset the other night! Isn't it beautiful!