Radical Living...

Living radically for Jesus is being willing to lay down your life for what He is calling you to do. This looks so different depending on your life, and what God has in store for you, I am sure of this, whatever that looks like for you or for me, He is worth, and the adventure is worth it.

At 12 years old in my youth group I was convinced that the only way to truly live radically someday was to live in a place where my life would be endangered for my faith, and then boldly share Christ anyway. I was convinced that at every turn I needed to lay down all my comforts and sacrifice everything for the sake of the gospel. I was sure that if I didn't always do these things I would become a lukewarm follower of Christ, one who didn't really know what it meant to follow Jesus and one that didn't really love Jesus enough. This drove my heart to want to pursue overseas missions as an adult, it drove me to do a lot of things that were wonderful for Jesus. It also drove me to feel like I HAD TO do certain things or my faith wasn't authentic enough. God used this for so many good things, but I am now learning so much as an adult and a more mature Christian about how he grows us in our faith, and how little it is about me, and how greatly it is about Him! 

When I graduated college I was sure that I had gotten to a point I didn't care as much about Jesus or sharing the gospel, and discipling others... God took me through a season of learning about His delight in us. The way He loves to see us enjoy our life, and enjoy things He created us to be able to do. I still longed to serve Him in a radical way, hopefully someday overseas, but to do something big for Him some day. While we lived in Durango after college God taught me so much about living in community, loving others, sharing life with others, serving others because I genuinely wanted to, and trusting Him with what He wanted to do in the lives of people around me. It was so comfortable, and often I wondered if anything I was doing was radical at all. The great thing was... that it was. Loving people the way God was asking me to, was the radical thing He was calling me to do then, and there. Serving where He lead was the radical thing I was doing to advance God's kingdom. 

Now I am living overseas, serving as a missionary, and mom. Beginning to live cross-culturally, and at first it felt like it was a giant radical step of faith that I didn't know if I had enough faith to take. However now, 6 months later, I look at my life and wonder what is so radical about living in Cambodia? So many things are similar to life in the US, and so many things are completely different. I am realizing how our radical living for Jesus is so much about our daily day to day lives, the ins and outs of how we live that I think anywhere you live it probably doesn't always feel radical. It feels normal. The way  I parent, the way I take care of my family, the way I talk with and enjoy my husband. Some of the most radical things I am doing right now to show Jesus to others is the way I love and care for my family, the way I discipline my kids, the way, time and energy I put into learning Khmer. (Lately some of the most radical thing I do right now is study my Khmer alphabet and have the faith my head won't actually explode.) These are my radical things I am doing as I live for Jesus in a new country and culture. So much of it is "normal" yet so much of it is counter cultural to my home culture, my host culture, and even church culture, because God's culture isn't perfectly represented here on Earth, and the culture of heaven is what we are called to represent. So it turns out we continue to be the weird ones, but I think and pray it is in a good way that points people to Jesus.

 It's okay to be the weird different family. Reflect Jesus in all you do, and share Him with those around you. In fact I am more and more convinced that is how we live the a radical life serving Jesus. 

An update from this week

Hello!

Thank you everyone for praying for me this week!

 For those of you who do not know or receive our monthly updates, on Monday I accidentally dumped approximately a liter of boiling water down the front of my body. I received 1st and 2nd degree burns on my left arm, left side of my chest, stomach, and right leg. Thankfully the girls were not around and I was the only one in the splash zone, I was also so grateful that Chris was still home and had not left for class yet. We raced me into the shower to try to cool the burns down, but even our shower without hot water was not very cool. So Chris got ice and made ice water I dipped towels in to try to cool my body down. As we were working on this, Chris got the girls dressed and we raced in tuk tuk to a nearby clinic with a doctor we rare coming to love and trust. They were able to help get my burns cooled down, and assess my burns. Which was about 30% of my body and all only 1st and 2nd degree burns. We returned home not too long after feeling a bit better, and I rested with ice packs the rest of the day.

On Tuesday we attempted a fairly normal day just at a slower pace. (The girls got the week off from preschool, on account of their teacher being injured) I went to class and that evening was the highlight of the week hosting connect group from our church here. SO FUN!!!! (maybe more about this later)

Wednesday I was feeling a bit worse in the afternoon, as some of my blisters were bursting and oozing, and the skin is just raw underneath.

Thursday was one of the rougher days. I went to class, and we did a fairly normal day, but I just felt done. Layla was grumpy all day, and I know we are all entitled to grumpy days, but grumpy 2 year old days while being injured are the worst! By Thursday evening I was in tears. I was so tired of hurting, tired of disciplining, tired of not being able to do my normal mom/wife duties, and tired of not just having a Walmart around the corner where we could just go grab everything place, from medical supplies to take care of my wounds to food.

See the thing is being hurt is frustrating on it's own, but I think it brought to the surface all the mildly frustrating things about learning a new place too, and how deeply you miss your community who knows. It was so comforting having that community praying and sending encouraging words. Thank you.

Friday we did a fairly normal day, but I was hurting more so after Chris got home he did a lot of the heavy lifting when it came to parenting. We ended last night with exactly what our weary family needed after a long week, legos, pizza, and a movie. Family time, laughing together and loving each other.

Today has continued that same relaxing family time we all four need. I was grateful this week to have my amazing husband to take care of me and the kids, and to simply say "it's ok, you don't have to do that, I can do that." I was also so grateful to the new friends we have made here who were so kind and supportive. Asking how I was, hugging me and letting me cry a little at playgroup yesterday. Bringing soup, and supplies. We are slowly finding great community here, and are loving it.

Just last week Chris and I were talking about how we are getting out of our exhaustion and how fun things are getting. Learning a new language, place, and making new friends is lots of work and fun. We are loving the people we are getting to know here, and are excited to know them more and more. It is hard feeling like it is kind of 2 steps forward 1 step back process. (But isn't life in general kind of like that?)

I was so comforted by the fact that our God isn't surprised. He knew. He has a plan, and He is our comforter, counselor, and great healer. Don't be afraid to invited Him into right where you are. He will come, He will move, because He loves you.

If you would like to receive our monthly updates via email, please send an email to thehardrickfamily@gmail.com with your email, and we will add you.

Here's to already being in our new home almost 5 months!

Market Day (again) and the Holy Spirit

So a lot has changed since my first post about "market day". That post was full of excitement, and anxiety. I remember feeling the sense of accomplishment as we sat down for lunch at Jars of Clay. Today I felt similarly as we hauled our groceries up to our apartment. But this time for different reasons.

I didn't just go to the market today, and I didn't just survive it and come home. I actually enjoyed it, and spoke so much Khmer! I made small talk while I bought fruit in Khmer, while watching the girls. I then proceeded to buy vegetables all in Khmer, and able to ask about a vegetable I have wondered about since we got here. I was able to ask and understand all in Khmer how to cook it, and we try it soon! I was able to navigate with our tuk tuk driver to the market, a bakery and the super market all in Khmer. I did all of this in a little over an hour with a 2 and 4 year old, and a backpack.

It was hot, so hot. Today when we got home the temperature on my phone was 96 degrees F but said it felt like 115 degrees F. But I had so much fun feeling like I explored a new market, navigated it, and got what I needed all in Khmer with my kids!

We love going to the market closest to our house, however this other market has more choices for fruit and veggies and is a little bit cheaper. We are still trying to figure out our routine for shopping, but I loved shopping where I could use so much Khmer! I am loving learning, and understanding Khmer. I am still in awe when I walk away from a conversation and I think about what I was just able to do.

The Holy Spirit is living and active. I cannot deny that He is moving in our family. That He is guiding us and I know that ability to learn Khmer, and have the guts to use it comes from His help.

Last night we attended our first small group meeting here in Cambodia. (in Khmer) It was so fun! Before we went my oldest daughter was not wanting to go. (culture and language has been rough lately for her with other kids) I asked her if I could pray for her. She said yes. I prayed for her, and ask God to comfort her, and help her, and to work on her heart to see and love the other kids like He does. When I finished praying her whole face lit up like a light bulb. I asked her if she felt a little bit better, and she responded, "NO, I feel a lot better! I feel so much better Mommy!". Then I shared with her how that was because of the Holy Spirit. How He is with us, and how God gives us the Holy Spirit to help us, and comfort us. He moves in our hearts to help us with what God wants us to do. He is our helper. She went to small group with a huge smile on her face, and we had a wonderful night!

It is so cool to see our God moving in our girls' hearts. It is so fun to watch them learning to trust Him more. The joy from Jesus, and the comfort from the Holy Spirit. I often think, this is why we are here. God knows what we each needed. He knows what we each need.

Culture Stress Effects the Family

This last week was hard. Our hard week came after a really great week. See we've made all these connections and are beginning to build real relationships with people. However we have also been here almost 4 months, and we hit our first round of "culture stress" this last week. We didn't even know what was wrong, until someone else pointed it out. I hear it can hit you every 3ish months your first year.

We felt lonely. We missed our people. We were tired. (language and culture learning is draining, the stress of this learning goes up as we make friends and aren't sure the appropriate ways to interact) Facebook wasn't helping, watching friends do things we love, like visit Durango, and the Durango Daddy Daughter Dance. We wanted our safe people so badly.

I didn't want to do anything. Not even the dishes. It was hard to study or go to class. I was tired, and was feeling sick.

Our oldest wasn't wanting to go out. She cried at church, not wanting to stay in kid church. She was being more mean and frustrated more easily. She was feeling and experiencing her own culture stress also.

We were tired.

God reminded me how He brought us here. He is helping us learning Khmer. He is cultivating and developing the relationships around us, and He would see us through. He is in control and He isn't surprised at our feelings.
We ended our rough week with birthday celebrations! We took cupcakes to playgroup, class and church, as well as cookies. We celebrated Layla being 2 and me being 29. Then Saturday we went swimming like we had planned but didn't know if we had the energy or the desire to do. But we stuck to our plan. We went to a pool with some water slides. It was quiet (except for the wedding happening nearby), and it was fun! We were the only ones there all morning, and I could feel all four of our souls being refreshed as we simply enjoyed one another and played. We were all physical exhausted afterwards from all our trips up and down the slides, but so full and refreshed. That evening we had some teammates over and I cooked enchiladas, Spanish rice, and we ate ice cream cake. We watched youtube videos, we played games and we laughed late into the night. (10 pm)

I love how God knows exactly what we need when we need it. I love how He allowed for our low to come when He knew we'd have a time to recover and rejuvenate. He is such a good Father.

We entered this week refreshed, and feeling much better. We enjoy a date afternoon Monday (a gift from our office directors for our birthdays), and entered this week so much better than we have recently.

I think here we call this low culture stress, but I think we hit these points in our home cultures too. They just feel different. Don't forget to see where you are. To rejuvenate, and to remember the beautiful promises God has given us as we follow and trust Him in all that we do.

Before the ice cream cake 

After the ice cream cake

Because sisters share a smoothie.

It's been awhile! Abiding and asking

Sorry it has been so long! I have had so much rolling through my head to blog about, and then it was exam time, and birthday time, newsletter time, and thought we needed to talk about what was going there, and then I could be more detailed here... so here is a more detailed update to how March has gone, and thing God is teaching us! If you would like more info please subscribe to our newsletter, that goes out once a month. (you can send me your email and we will add you to the list.) We try to keep information different on here and in our newsletters.

To sum up our month is to say God has truly blessed us in these beginning months here in Cambodia. We have felt every prayer, every member of our team who is backing us, and every joy that comes from knowing we have a network of people supporting us. We have landed so smoothly, and in many ways navigated "country shock" well. "Country shock" is a term I heard form something I read awhile back. Basically it is the adjusting to the climate, food, way of life, living arrangements etc. None of which has been too difficult for God to navigate us through. We are loving life here, and loving building relationships with so many different people.

This month we have found community, community in play groups, community in church, community in our building, and community with people at our school. We have also found normalcy. We have found how to shop, the balance of when to shop (usually) and kind of a normal weekly routine. All of which makes us realize this is home. We have loved getting to know and being embraced by the wonderful expat community here, they have made everything so much easier! We even held a fun birthday party for Amirah, and had so much fun with friends from church, and playgroup and our team.

I say all of this because God is good, faithful and trustworthy. I was thinking this afternoon about how God has spent so many years preparing our family for just this. For being here in Cambodia, for trusting Him to come through, even in our silliest needs/desires. For language learning, and being willing to go slow and do things well. He has prepared our hearts for trusting Him in bigger ways, and new ways, and I just cannot believe everything He has been teaching us in these three short months.

One thing that is very different for me here in Cambodia verses Colorado is that every time I think about being here, I have an ever present, constant reminder that we are only here for one reason. We are here because of Jesus. We are here to share the wonderful news God has made us messengers of. That is it. When you have that kind of direction you can't help but lean into what He is doing more, you cannot help but to rely on Him more. He put us here to share Jesus, He can take care of us.

 This last week I was reading Psalm 107. What really stood out to me was that the people (I think Israelites..) would be in trouble, God didn't jump right in and intervene, He waited. He waited until they cried out to Him. Then He came to their rescue every single time. He satisfied them, and actually probably responded above and beyond their greatest expectations. He never forgot them, and He always heard them. Then He answered and met them where they were at.

This got me thinking, as I learn to rely on Him more, am I crying out to God more for help? Maybe the constant reminder that He is why we are here, that I wouldn't be here in Cambodia if it weren't for Jesus makes me stop, and simply abide better, and ask for His help.

My challenge to you is, what is the thing you have been struggling with? Have you cried out to God to meet you where you are? Have you asked? Sometimes I find myself wondering why God hasn't done anything, and then I am reminded... did I ask Him to? Maybe I just needed to ask.

Playing at an indoor playground for Amirah's birthday! 

Amirah's cupcake birthday cake! 

Swimming party! 

Add caption

Party Time! 

Layla sneaking a sip of delicious coffee.

Being silly at our new favorite restaurant! Alma satisfies our deep need for yummy Mexican food.

Layla getting her nails done while sister gets a new hairstyle. 

The adorable 4 year old's new hair cut! 

Perspectives change over time....

My mind has been reeling lately about what I should post about next... everyday I have a new idea, and then  lack the time or energy to do it that day... Then when I have the time (like now) I can't seem to remember what I was planning to write about... The girls and I have spent a large portion of our week here at home, organizing toys, and playing with said toys, cleaning up potty accidents, and doing all the extra laundry. My patience has been thoroughly tested between my almost 4 year old and my almost 2 year old, and  when we leave have left the house all the boundaries that both my darling little girls know, and can stay with in are tested, and tried until we return to said home. The only exception has been playing with the wonderful kids on our street, and church last night. To be fair we skipped playgroup yesterday because of attitude issues before we needed to leave, and did lots more walking this week than we have in a while, but still... We are forming friends which is so fun, and weird... because lets be honest, making friends is kind of awkward and weird...but it feels good to be settling into our  new found friendships and church families, and life feels normal....

So... now that our weird exhausting week is over, the thing I was continually reminded of this last week was how different things look the more you look at them. The more you see the same street the more you notice. The more you look out the same window the more you see, the more details, the more that is there. I believe this is doubly true living in a new place, especially a new country. Everywhere I look I see things I hadn't noticed until this week. I think about how things looked the first time I saw them, and how many things seemed scary or weird that are totally normal now. I found myself looking at our street wondering what seemed so ominous about it in the dark when we first moved in? What felt scary? All I can conclude is that it was new, it was different, and it was city. Everything was new and different. Now knowing more language, I understand more, which helps fear to dissipate, we explore more, we know the faces on our street, and know who does or doesn't belong. I no longer feel like I walk out and am unsure which way to go, or which tuk tuk to get into. I know that I can trust our tuk tuk guys, and where to find a tuk tuk if they are busy. I know how to get to where I may need to walk, and I am always noticing things I never saw before on the walks I do most often. Even our favorite market, the first time I walked in there it felt like I had tunnel vision and couldn't ever see myself shopping in there, or navigating the vendors outside on the street with two little girls, guess what!? Now I do, and I am even sometimes able to do it all in Khmer. (Not always, sometimes watching the girls, paying, and shopping is too much for my brain to add another language too, but we are working on it.)

All of this has made me think about how I see God, how I see Jesus, and how I see the Holy Spirit. As a little girl God was someone way up there, in heaven, that sent Jesus because He loved me. The Holy Spirit was a feeling I later associated with God's presence, and eventually hearing God's voice. As a teenager, God was my best friend, and Jesus was the answer to all my sins, and still if I could pull it all together He loved me. As a college student God was someone I needed to share with others, and honor at all costs, and was becoming an intimate lifeline, and friend. Then as a 20-something adult  my view of God has morphed into this hybrid of all of the previous views I have had of Him. I am no longer just a little girl looking up to a giant God I don't understand, nor am I a teenager looking for acceptance from God. I am also not a college student seeking to debate, or win arguments for Jesus, I am somewhere in the middle of all these facets of views of God, and something very new... Well new for me.

Now I understand more about Him. Just like I am understanding more and more about where I live. I am growing in my understanding of His heart for people. I am growing in my view of how much my God loves people, and attempting to allow Him to pour that love out through me. I am understanding that this whole thing has so little to do with me and so much to do with Jesus. The Holy Spirit isn't a weird feeling, or something mystical, but a close intimate friend that I rely on daily to guide my intuition, choices, and my parenting. He is the reason we are here, we are here in Cambodia because God brought us here. I struggle sometimes singing about Him being the only way or laying down my life, because  I am living that more than I ever have before everyday, and sometimes it's easy and wonderful, and sometimes it is hard, and hurts. I know He is worth it. I know He is good, and trustworthy, and I know I want everyone I come in contact with to know Jesus, and how much He loves them. I want to see their fears erased as they fall in love with Jesus and find freedom, I want to see the striving to please Buddha or the spirits drop away because Jesus is all they need.

Yes we are here for engineering, yes, we are learning language, yes, we are here to train design professionals, but it is all nothing without sharing Jesus, without the hope and the freedom that comes with Jesus. Some days it brings tears to my eyes to vocally say Jesus is all I could ever live for because even though it is true, it hurts a little bit. It hurts being away from many we love, and trying to navigate a new culture and language is hard. It is hard when all I want to find is Lysol for cleaning around our apartment, and I just want something I can read, and I can't find it... (I know this is a funny example but I was really frustrated about this the other day.) It brings tears to my eyes because Jesus is worth it, and the value of what Jesus did on that cross is so much bigger, to me now, and I understand more of it now than when I first believed as a little girl.

Family selfie on the couch. 

Snugly Amirah.

Layla's newest thing is sticking stuff in her shirt to carry it with her... Paci in her shirt here! 

God knows what we need. He even knows what our kids need.

I had several people tell me before we ever left for Cambodia, that God knew exactly what He was doing sending us here to Cambodia. Not just sending Chris and I, but our whole family, all four of us. He had a plan and a purpose for each of us in Cambodia. It can be so easy to get caught up in what we are doing here, why Chris and I are here, and what God is teaching us. It is easy to not think much about how it is affecting our kids except in the normal ways, like food, missing loved ones, and finding new places and ways to play.

The last week or so God has been revealing to me things He has be doing in the girls these last two months since we have been here, as well as in our family as a whole. It is truly amazing. That is what I would like to share with you today, ways God works in our families to make us more like Him, and more dependent on Him. I pray that you will be encouraged by these testimonies in our family and it may even help you to see what God might be doing in your kids' lives as you live out your life where God has placed you.

Starting with Amirah. Amirah has always been our more timid, worried, and even fearful child. She is up for trying many things but she is timid. Before we left for Cambodia, she would rarely ride on a 4 wheeler with her grandpa, and wouldn't touch a dirt bike or motorcycle. She hated escalators with a deep burning passion, and was fairly nervous about crossing streets, and walking around lots of cars. She was very nervous about swimming, and would never swim where she couldn't touch, even with a floatie of some kind. (none of these are bad things to be scared of, great survival things, but sometimes tiring when you know she is going to be ok) It could even be very hard to get her to try something she perceived as possibly dangerous and we were really worried about how we'd ever get her in a tuk tuk once we got here. Now we have been here 2 months. She has been amazing at jumping into new classes at church, playgroups around the city, and playing with friends on our street. She is a tuk tuk riding expert and has gone from riding with a death grip on me, in my lap or Chris's to riding laying down on a seat by herself sometimes. She regularly rides escalators (they are everywhere here), and swims around our pool with floaties, and with us all the time. She even let Chris throw her the other day when we were swimming! She walks with me to the market with awareness of cars, but not in fear that every car or moto is going to get her, and she tries out the Khmer she is learning on whomever will talk with her. It is amazing to stop and think about how much fear she has overcome in her little life just because we were obedient and moved here to Cambodia. She walks with more confidence and trusts Chris and I much more when we tell her she can do something. God knew that Amirah had this fear in her, He knew she didn't need to have it. He knew that He could clothe her in confidence in who He made her to bed, and He is doing just that! She also is fascinated with the stories of Moses right now, and how Moses trusts God, and obeys God. I don't think that is by chance that those are the stories she wants to read over and over right now, while God is showing her how little she has to fear.

Next is little Layla Lou. That Layla girl has known what she wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it since the moment she was born, and since she started walking she has wanted to be just like Amirah. God has been revealing to me how He is developing Layla's ability to play with other kids, and be on her own. She is totally content sometimes playing on her own (which is kind of new), and loves to play with Amirah or other kids often. She is determined! She climbed into the tuk tuk this morning all on her own, and she decided a few weeks ago we were going to potty train now. Layla has perseverance, and she walks with so much confidence as well! Layla is also a kind helper like her big sister and is finding a niche in helping the family get ready to leave, helping kids with their toys, sharing her snacks, and sharing herself with those around us. (she usually loves all the attention she gets wherever we go) Though Layla's things aren't as obvious as Amirah's it is still there, and I love see what God is doing in her little heart. This morning she brought me the Jesus Storybook Bible and told me she wanted Jesus. She has been wanting to read all about Jesus, and I know that her great strength God is going to use for mighty things, with that caring little heart.

As a family we have noticed a greater security in our family unit. The girls rely on both Chris and I more. The look to us more equally, and we love all the family time we get with language learning, and city investigating. When someone goes somewhere, besides school there is a concern about where they are going, and when they will be back. The security of our family unit is huge. We are their safe space. This is already opening up for so many great discussions with Amirah. (can you believe she will be 4 this month!) She is honest about how she feels, and we discuss many things we see, hear and do with her. Cultivating this in our family is our lifelong goal as a family unit, and I pray that God will continue to knit us together as a family that goes through things together, shares, and no matter where we are in the world are secure because of Him, and also how He anchors us in the family He put us in.

Praise God for knowing not just what I need, what Chris needs, what our family needs but also what our sweet girls need individually, and for continually developing the things He has put inside of them.

Enjoy the adorable pics below... we all know that's really why you read this blog. ;)

Using the curtains the wind is blowing as a tent for camping. :)  

Examining the elephant at Wat Phnom.

Me enjoying time with the little brother! 

Saying goodbye to uncle Johnathan at the airport.

Snoozing on the Uncle Johnathan in the tuk tuk.

Playing at Molly Fantasy! A new favorite spot! 

More Molly Fantasy! 

Riding a dinosaur in Siem Reap!