Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Selling everything you have...Come follow me. Is it worth it?

As we are facing our final days in Durango, my heart is sad. I am so sad to leave our community, our family of choice. I find myself weepy over silly things, and I find myself trying to pretend that the end is not as near as it is. I also find myself ready. Ready to move forward, ready to see more of what God has for us, ready to spend time with our families, and ready to reconnect with old friends.
Knowing we will "rebuild" when we get to Cambodia. It is great and wonderful, and sad, and hard.

I have meditated a lot lately on the story of the rich young ruler in the gospels. Jesus tells him to sell everything he has and give to the poor, then come follow me. I shared in a previous post how I have never understood why the rich young ruler went away sad, it's just stuff. However, I get it more now. We love our stuff. I think even beyond loving our stuff, we are secure with our things. Lately I have been contemplating one more aspect I had never thought of before. The rich young ruler didn't know the future, he didn't know where Jesus would lead him, or how his needs would be met. He didn't know IF IT WOULD BE WORTH IT. Would it be worth it? He probably had worked hard to accumulate his wealth and possessions, to sell it all, or give it all away almost seems foolish. What if he would eventually have to start over? What if he really regretted getting rid of that one item? What if Jesus abandoned him shortly after he gave up everything? What if....?This has been my contemplation, "Is this really worth it? God are you really worth it? What if you aren't even really real? What if you abandon us? What if you don't take care of us? What if we end up without a home? What if we take this leap of faith and land flat on our faces, regretting it all?"

Every single time I come back to these truths, "You are worth it. The people you have called us to serve and share Jesus with are worth it. Eternity with you for these people is worth it. You have never failed us, you won't start now. How could I deny how really real you are, you saved me! You rescued and changed me, you set me free! You are good and you are trustworthy. You have always taken care of us beyond our greatest desires. A home is where our family is, not an accumulation of stuff. We won't regret anything because You have taught us so much through this process. GOD YOU ARE WORTH IT!"

He is worth it. He is worth leaving behind our belongings (minus what we can fly with, and few treasures in my parents' basement). He is worth selling our table that had so many fun, and wonderful memories around. Our couch that we literally moved so it would fit in our house. (Kind of silly right?)  He is worth it all, because He is good, and trustworthy and He has saved my soul. I want to love what God loves, the way He loves them, that's people not stuff.

This is a glimpse into my heart. My internal dialogue I have with myself as we are facing our last days of small town, mountain living. Of being surrounded by beautiful ponderosas, the Animas River, and most importantly so many sweet, loving amazing friends. Though I am teary at the drop of the hat right now, I think I am ready. I moved to Durango at 17 for college, and minus one summer I have been here since. It has been a wonderful home. Good-byes are hard, my heart is sad, but my soul is excited for the future.


Saturday, May 21, 2016

A Wife's Role

As we have been preparing to move, moving and whatever else we have going on I have thought a lot lately about a wife's role in a marriage. I think often as wives we given In to our husbands and hide behind the idea that we have to be quiet or given even if it means letting our husbands fail in the name of being submissive...It is so easy to let our husbands fail, and then say... "I told you so" or "I knew you shouldn't have done that."  But, we were created to help and complete our husbands and lead our families with our husbands... God has gifted us to see and even feel things they don't. To have a different perspective than they do. This helps us to know how to help them as they lead our families, this helps us to know when to respectfully stop and disagree. This is a gift God has given us! Weilded correctly and with Christ on the Throne of our hearts we can be a huge asset to our husbands. 

Most of the time if we see that they will fail we are not doing what God has called us to by staying quiet, and letting it happen. Often we do that so we can say later I told you so, or I knew we/you shouldn't do that... And that does nothing but hurt them. It's not love. Not to say sometimes they don't listen but at least we offered what we see and know. This can create bitterness in our hearts, and towards our husbands, as we allow a laundry list to grow of the things we have watched them fail at. How is this being a the spouse God created us to be? How is this lovingly submitting and respecting our husbands? It isn't. 

Sometimes we have to stand our ground, we have to speak up because we love them, because we are here to help and complete, to assist and add value. Our perception, or intuition, even discernment is so valuable! Sometimes these manifest themselves as feelings, but there is value! 

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:16, 25-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The wisdom I think is when and how to speak up and how to take a stand if needed to be respectful and articulate. To communicate well.

This is why marriage is hard. It goes against our flesh that wants to trample and have our way, or submit and get bitter. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

It's All About Community


We always hear you need community. You need people.

Followed by an opposing view of, you can do it, you don't need anyone else. Pull yourself up and do this yourself.

Or as Amirah always says, "I can do it my own-self."

The truth... you need people. You need family. You need your God-given blood family, and you need your God-given family of choice. The people who get you, who love you, and you will be there for you. These are the people who will do life with you.

Every time we have needed it our family of choice has been there. It has grown, and it has been so special to us! We love having people who love us and our girls. We love having people who we can lean on and into when we need it. Whenever we have friends that become new parents our number one piece of advice is find community. We even joke that they should join a church even if it is only for community. People to love them and love their kids. It is so valuable!

However it is this community that is breaking my heart right now. We have 3 Sundays left of attending church with Mimi and Papa. We have 4 Sundays left with our wonderful church family that we have poured our hearts into, and have walked through the last 10 years with us.
4 more Sundays with the people that loved us in college.
4 more Sundays with the people that waited for us as we figured "adult life" out.
4 more Sundays with the people who sobbed with us when we had our miscarriage.
4 more Sundays with the people who brought movies, hugs, texts, and love when I was on bed rest for 9 weeks.
4 more Sundays with the people who rejoiced with us when we had Amirah.
4 more Sundays with the people who feed us after Amirah was born.
4 more Sundays with the people who treat Amirah like she is one of their own.
4 more Sundays with the people who rejoiced with us when we had Layla.
4 more Sundays with the people who feed us after Layla was born.
4 more Sundays with the people who Amirah is ecstatic to see every week.
4 more Sundays with the people who have put up with, and loved Layla in the nursery.
4 more Sundays with the people I have had the privilege of loving and teaching their children.
4 more Sundays with the people Chris has had the privilege of leading worship with.
4 more Sundays with the people eager offer parenting advice when I have needed it, but never quick to judge what I ultimately decide to do.
4 more Sundays with the people who are sending us off well, with love, with prayers, with joy and sadness.
4 more Sundays....with our community of people...

No softball this summer, no life groups at the park...

I know God will provide new community and we are excited to spend time with our blood family, and our new eMi family.

We are excited to return to the church we grew up in for a season. We are excited to find family in Cambodia... but HATE saying goodbye to this community.

If you don't have a commuity, find it. Get involved... tell your story. :) (sorry Jill had to steal it....)