When a household comes apart it is usually because of a sad tragedy in a family. A divorce, a death, or some other major trauma, but sometimes it is because of a dream, and it can be oh so good.
As a preteen I experienced a household coming apart and then two new ones being rebuilt. My parents divorced, and then suddenly there wasn't a home, not a permanent one anyway. Somethings at one house made it feel like home and some things at the other made that one feel like home. After almost 13 years of one household, one home, one bedroom and one family we had two. It was sad, it was tragic, any family coming apart is. God did so many good things through it though. He changed so many dynamics in our lives, and used what was meant to be only evil, for good. I learned how to trust Him more, how to chase Him more, to trust and rely on Him, and that my security did not just come from my family, but from my Creator.
Now as an adult, Chris and I have spent the last 8 years building a household and a family. We have worked to have the things that we needed to create a warm inviting household full of love, to share with others and to embrace others in. We have added to our family pets, and eventually our girls. We have created a place for people to land when they needed a place to land, and a place for others to come together and discuss the great love of our heavenly Father. Now, our household is coming a part. Our family is intact and stronger than ever, but our home, our house, our stuff, and our connection to these things is going through refining. A daily conversation in our home goes something like this:
"Do we need to keep this?"
"Is it coming to Cambodia?"
"Do we need it there?"
"I don't know."
Then followed by a whole conversation about that item, if it will be kept and taken to Cambodia, stored in my dad and stepmom's basement, or sold when we leave Durango. Imagine everything you have worked to build your home, going under such scrutiny. Then it hits you how all these things are just things. They don't count for eternity, they shouldn't carry so much weight, but for some reason they do. It is a deep soul cleansing type process to weed through the treasures you have acquired, and determining their value. Are they valuable enough to store? Are they valuable enough to take up precious suitcase space when we finally make that big move in a year? It's freeing but it can be sobering, and sad. You begin to see what you have established and created, where you feel most secure slowly diminishing.
Then all that is left, all that will be left when we are through with this process is what matters most, our trust in Jesus, our family, and chasing a dream God planted in our hearts long ago. How beautiful is that?
21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Matt 19: 21
39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39
When your household comes apart to follow a dream God has planted in your heart, at times you feel like you are losing your life. Losing your security, your home, your peace, and all that God has even given you. To take a step of faith, that is unknown, scary and you don't know what to expect. In so many ways we are losing our life, we are losing what we have for the sake of the cross, for the sake of sharing Jesus with others. How refreshing that is! How wonderful to seek Him, and trust Him at this new level. How encouraging it is to feel all these emotions, as we walk through seeking Him in this new facet. How wonderful to know that our Redeemer, our Savior is so good and trustworthy enough to allow our household to come apart and for us to allow Him to rebuild it, as He rebuilds our lives in Cambodia.
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