Having followed Jesus for somewhere around 24 years, I have found that I grow through different season, different times, and all kinds of emotions. I have learned that God is good, sufficient, trustworthy, and unfailing.
However there have been many times when I question Him, I wander while I wonder about who He really is, and if He really cares. I wonder if He could forgive me, if Jesus could/would truly wipe away my guilt, my tears, and make me whole. I feel closed out by "His people" or I am on the ill-guided receiving end from "His people", and I wonder if He cares, if He is real. Or maybe I have burned others by my ill-guided ideas and thoughts, and later realize how wrong I was, maybe I even spoke truth, but missed the love part.
I have many friends I have watched wander also, while they wonder about their relationship with Jesus, their past passions for Him, and their current frustration, uncertainty, and passiveness about Him. I have been there.
I am always drawn back to Him though. To His word, His people, His love and His patience. I am drawn back to His heart, and His understanding. He woos me towards Him, to deeper levels. I have been contemplating this a lot lately. How on the other side of every wall of disbelief, questioning, and sorrow He is still there, He is waiting, He is seeking me out. I see the foundation He build deep within me before I ever hit my first wall in my faith, the way He know I could draw and dwell on that when everything in me wanted to run, hide, and never speak to Him again.
He is so faithful.
He sees you.
He is good, and He loves you.
Often we are pushed away from our Savior because of His people. His imperfect people doing their best to love, show Jesus and serve Him. Sometimes it is because they are loving us well and we don't feel that lovable, so we feel guilty and we run. We run from that which makes us feel good, because we "deserve to feel awful, to feel miserable."
BUT... Here is the truth. It isn't about the people who have messed up, it isn't about you feeling awful or miserable. It IS about you. It IS about Jesus. It is about Him seeing, loving and chasing you, simply because He loves you. It isn't a numbers game to Him, it's a love affair with you. I wanted to share this, because the more friends I meet who are wandering around, wander away, searching for a renewed sense of the truth to fit them, to fit their lives, and feelings the more my heart breaks as they look. I want them to see, to feel Jesus wooing them, calling them back to His truth, showing them who they were created to be, and the abundance He has for them right where they are at. Not in a year when their life is more in order... not in a week when they are done with that struggle, but right now, right here.