Have you ever been homesick but you didn't even fully know for where? That's how I have felt today. I have felt homesick. We are in our nomadic state, and have been for awhile now, and when we got back from the East Coast I was eager to be home, and to go to church. Then I realized I this doesn't feel like home. In some weird way I don't feel like I have a home, one that is ours. My heart was longing for my friends, my home, and my church. We are apart of a great church here, but my church for 10 years has been in Durango, and I miss my people. My family of choice, and the stability of that family, and home. Realizing our time is coming to an end here in the US is both exciting and exhausting. I am excited to go, to have a new home, to connect into a new church where we will be. I am excited to plant myself again. Feeling homeless is hard. Especially when you are homesick and you aren't quite sure where you are homesick for. What if you are homesick and without a home?...then what do you do?
While we were at CIT there was a feeling of home. A space that was ours, and people who understood our hearts, circumstances, and feelings. They were there too. Now we are back. Fighting through, feeling like we are home and yet still a little homesick...Is it possible to be homesick for a place that hasn't been our home yet? I think it might be. I feel a little homesick for Cambodia, to get there to have a home, and to start building community.
This is short. However I wanted to share this weird feeling... have you ever felt this way? There is so so much joy and anticipation in our hearts right now, but also a lot of sorrow and grief. It is sad to leave behind people and places we love. It is hard being in the in-between. It is exciting and a little bit scary to be moving forward.
God is good, He is trustworthy, He is faithful. He hasn't failed, and He won't start now. I am so grateful to serve such an awesome God.
YES! Definitely understand and feel the same way. Often find myself feeling homesick and then realizing we don't really have a home. Thankful for our little trailer - it's the only thing that's the same no matter where we are. Great post, Kayle!ReplyDelete
Thanks Kathleen! I was having a hard time articulating the feeling, but felt like I needed to try!Delete