The Beauty of Easter to a Dry and Weary Soul

     I have been in a drier season personally in my walk with God the last year or so. Since being back, and not having the constant distraction of serving, and having responsibilities during church, or other places, I have had time to really reflect and think about what is happening inside of me. What is God doing? During one church service here in Colorado Springs, I was hearing the lies we can so easily believe, “Your a poser”, “do you actually believe this?” “You don’t look like you do..” etc…

 Then I was reminded of something I heard a pastor say, about how one of the the beautiful things about the body of Christ, is that when your faith is overflowing people can lean on you for their faith feels weak, and when yours feels weak you can lean on the body of Christ to embolden your faith. As I was reminded of this reminder I suddenly felt so grateful for the body of Christ, and the beauty and power of being in it. The church is a beautiful thing. I thought of when people feel like they lose their faith, and run from the church, when what is needed is this truth, and to run towards it. Following that service, each time in church I was so thankful for the body of Christ, the church, the people of God. 

As we visited Durango, and our home church, I was overwhelmed by the love of God, and the way He displays this love through His people. The conversations, the services, the love was so powerful. That church knows how to love well, and we are so incredibly blessed by the over and over again.

Then as we entered Holy Week, we decided to attended all the Holy Week services at a church here in Colorado Springs. As we attended we were tired from traveling, we all had colds and it felt almost silly. But something in us felt like we needed to make this a priority for our family. It reaped huge dividends. This was the first time in a long time I stopped to think about what followers of Jesus must of been feeling and thinking during that week. As we moved through Maundy Thursday, that feels like a “normal” service, with feet washing into darkness, Good Friday, which almost felt like a funeral, and Easter Vigil, where we were watching and waiting for the light. Attending these services made my heart so soft and expectant for the light. As we anticipated Easter morning, my heart was yearning for the light… I was a little sad when we arrived at church the lights were still off, the candles still lit from vigil, and it seemed as though the light had not come yet.

 Then, service started, we had our things for the great noise, lights came on, and tears rolled down my cheeks. Easter had come, the light had come because He was risen, indeed. He walked out of that grave, and is alive. 

The dryness the funk I had been in for a few months, broke as the light broke through. I could feel it in my heart, I am not sure what it was all about, but I knew I needed to stay consistent, and keep watching. It felt almost like as the darkness, and waiting of lent and Holy Week came to an end with Easter, so did this dry season, this somewhat dark night of the soul I had been walking through. I knew it was coming, the light always comes when we keep chasing Jesus. He never leaves us. He has come through before and and He has never failed us, abandoned us, or left us behind. I cried on and off through our Easter morning, so grateful for the light, so grateful He is alive. And often thinking of the relief, fear and confusion the followers of Jesus must have had when the light finally broke through and the saw that Jesus was indeed alive. He is Risen! 

Schooling choices, and encouragement for parents.

This crazy year of 2020 I want to empower many of you who are parents. This is a time where families are evaluating what their family needs, what will work best for them, and even maybe who they are as a family.

As most of you know I am a teacher. I have been most of my life, and I taught public school for 6 years, in America. I have taught swim lessons before that, and taught Sunday school forever as well.

I want to empower you the parents, of your children, that you can do it. You can make the decisions that are best for you and your children, you can encourage your children in what you believe is best for them, and your family, and if you choose to you can teach your children.

Online schooling, and homeschooling are not the same thing. As I watch a lot of the world switch to online education I cringed because I could see the wear happening on many families of young children, and even the lack of learning happening. This is not a discredit to teachers, or parents or students, but to the sudden change. I felt for everyone involved, the teachers, and the students and the parents. It was hard for everyone. Now as you head into preparing for the new school year I see parents questioning what education should look like for their children. They don't want to do distance learning again, because it was hard and exhausting, they don't want their children to go to school because they fear it might not be safe, and could also be so hard on their children and teachers. They feel stuck, some are considering homeschooling, but are terrified, they worry they will screw up their children, and their child's education.

As a teacher, an now a homeschool mom/teacher I want to encourage and empower you.

1) Think and pray about what is best for your family. What does your family need to thrive?

2) If you choose to send your kids to school, feel empowered that you are making the right choice for you and your children. They will be ok, and so will you. Your school in your community is going to do the best they can do, because that is what great schools do. They love and care for kids, and they will love and care for yours the best they can. Be ok trusting that. Stay involved and know what is happening.

3) If you choose do online learning/distance learning know that it has to be better than when everyone was thrown into it overnight. Teachers have thought long and hard about how to do this better and well, and you are on all on the same team. You can all do it, and if this fits your family, you can do it! And you will do great. You know some of what you are getting into, and it will be ok. Think of how great it is to be so in touch with what they are learning!

4) If you choose to homeschool, you can do it! You can teacher your kids! This is more about a family culture of learning, and engaging in your world in new ways. It is not the same as online schooling. The beauty of this is you are in control, you control the schedule to fit your family, you go at the pace of your child, and you can learn things they are interested in. It is a lot of work, and there are definitely hard days, and days that fail. But the flexibility to let your kids play, to read an extra book or chapter, to do some online drawing courses on youtube, or build that fort in the backyard, is the gift.

Finally, remember God gave you your kids, He trusted you as their parents, to raise them, teach them, and nurture them. You are your child's first and most important teacher. They are learning from you all day everyday, and will take your cue for whatever educational situation is best for them, and your family. Don't ride the guilt bus stressing over your decisions, and don't make things harder than they have to be. Just like you do with decisions everyday, focus on what you need, your child needs, and what works for your family. All of you. Simplify your life, simplify what is important and needed, and focus on those things.

Whatever you chose for your family will be great. Feel free to message me for ideas, encouragement, and love.

I have resources, and ideas I am happy to share. And happy to listen and love on you in this hard, stressful time!

We did it!

Yesterday marked a milestone for me and the girls. We road the moto (scooter) outside of our neighborhood for the first time since the end of October. It was great too!

Amirah said something so sweet after getting home, (she was very nervous about doing this) she told me that she kind of liked it because she felt like herself. I also noticed everywhere we went she walked a little taller and she was as anxious.

I have thought about that a lot in the last 12 hours. Fears make us be less ourselves. Fears hold us back from who we fully are. There is something about facing fears that changes us, facing an anxiety and it can give us power over other anxieties. Feeling more like ourselves is a wonderful side affect of following Jesus, and obeying the Holy Spirit. I am convinced that yesterday was the right timing to take this big step, and do it, it was the right day for the girls and for me. Especially after Amirah saying she felt more like herself now. Following the Holy Spirit for the right timing, the right words, the right whatever it might be I am learning is a big key in how we raise our kids.

If you have a fear you need to face, do it! If you have a new parenting obstacle pray about it, ask the Holy Spirit to intervene, and to give you wisdom. If you aren't feeling like yourself, ask the Holy Spirit to show you why. God wants you to be fully you, to be all of who He made you to be. Find out what you need to walk in that.



(All this is said with full understanding that there are lots of tools to use for working through these things, and God also gives great wisdom on which tools are best for each person in each situation.)

Community

I have been contemplating community lately. Usually community forms from like circumstances, like personalities, like proximity....

Thankful

Right now Chris is in America, and things here are going well for the most part. We had a rough day yesterday but otherwise things are going well. I keep finding myself feeling so thankful.

I am so thankful for awesome community here,
I am so thankful for a place that feels like home, and where my girls play with the neighbors, where we get to live in a community here.
I am so thankful for wonderful team making sure we have what we need and asking for ways to help out with Chris gone.
I am so thankful for friends who are doing the same, and are just generally supportive.

Last night the girls's and I had a somewhat formative experience, we laid our scooter down. We were only going just fast enough to have to stop hard, when a man pulled out in front of us and then we slid on the sand and fell over. We then proceeded to a gas station near by to assess damages, and clean up and calm down. Amirah's toe was hurt, and that was about it as far as injuries. We were all shaking and in a bit of shock. I proceed to go inside and buy some water. I stuck my keys in my purse, but left my scooter seat open. I came out, did a little first aid on Amirah's toe, and we got ready to go. I put my purse in my seat and closed it. We got helmets back on, and realized I had no keys...
they were in the seat. You can only open the seat with the keys. Thankfully there was a tuk tuk driver near by I asked if he could help me. He was confused why I needed help at first and the he helped me pry my seat open so I could reach my keys (this took at least 30mins, if not a bit longer). Once our keys were in hand we said goodbye and thank you, and I was overwhelmed with how thankful I was.

I am so thankful that we were all mostly ok.
I am so thankful no one hit us when we fell, but instead a few nice women stopped to help us get up, and make sure we had all our things.
I am so thankful that I speak Khmer and was able to ask for help, and work with the nice tuk tuk driver to help me.
I am so thankful for how brave my girls were wanting to get back on and continue our journey to our teammates and friends' house.

When we got to dinner at our friends house, they were great as we downloaded and processed, and then the girls were almost too tired to eat.
My teammate offered to get my mirror on my moto fixed for me, and bring my moto back to me.

Again I was so thankful we were headed to their house where dinner was already made.
I was also thankful to not have to navigate fixing my mirror, fixing things wiht my moto is always stressful for me.

The formative part of this experience was that I saw even more value in my ability to speak khmer, my amazing khmer teachers and my resiliant girls. I am even more thankful for community, I didn't feel alone, I knew there was people I could call. I thought about how much more scary the situation would of been with out my language skills, and without community, and I am so glad that wasn't the case.

I always drive carefully, but still accidents can happen, I am so thankful this was an easy small one.

To end this post, I am so incredible thankful for the people around the world who pray for us who specifically pray for our safety as we drive around and go from place to place. Thank you.

Being More You

Recently I have been blown away by how the more we know Jesus, the more we seek and find Him the more us we become. We live in a time and a worldly culture where people are trying to be "their best selves" or "true to their selves" people are trying to find "me time" and employ "self-care". So much of this new fad is good. Even useful and purposeful in our lives. It can also be so selfish, and feed our selfishness that we already have in us. Telling ourselves things like "I deserve this..."

However what I have been learning recently, and leaning into is the truth that we become who we were made to be as we get to know our Creator more. I mean He made you. We become more of us, our real selves as we trust, follow and obey Jesus. If you want to see who you really are follow Jesus. If you want to see the good and the bad of your true character follow Jesus, and walk with people who follow Him also. If you want to be true to your true self, follow Jesus. This is not as glamorous, glorious, or always fun, but I promise you it is more effective for finding your true self. I love how as we follow Him we discover who we are. 

I think this is even true with finding time to do things you love and enjoy, but do them as worship to the Creator who created you to love and enjoy that. Do it as a child enjoying their gifts from their Heavenly Father. Enjoy. Enjoy what He created you to do and to enjoy. As we do these things, as we worship, I have recently noticed how much more us we are. One example is I have recently seen some friends who lead worship and are very skilled at it, begin to let more of themselves, and even their personal culture out as they lead others in worship, and it is so beautiful! They are confident and reflect who God made them to be, by the way they lead others in worship, and if you know them well, you can see how they are just being more them, as they lead worship. They are reflecting the part of God they represent back to God. It is beautiful. 

For me this means I am letting God continue to soften my heart. To love others where they are at, and where I am at. I am letting Him lead me, in His grace and mercy. Taking steps of faith, in the face of fear and discomfort, I want to be fully who He created me to be.

My prayer is to be an encouragement to those around me to be all of who God created each of them to be as well, to embrace it, and run with it. To change into who they were always meant to become. 

The bucket

So a few months ago now,  we were having power cuts and water issues like many people in our city. I set out to find some large bowls to hand-wash laundry in, in case it got worse, and we wouldn't be able to use our washing machine, and on my way out the door Chris asked me to try to get a big bucket (think larger trash can) to fill up with water in one of our bathrooms so we would have water if we lost most of our water pressure as things got worse. Then we would have water for bucket showers and toilet flushing etc. So I ran to the supermarket because I didn't really know where else to go. I found the tubs for hand-washing clothes I was looking for, but no bucket.

On my way to the super market I had a very friendly tuk tuk driver, who was so happy to have an American customer that spoke Khmer, we chatted all the way there, and I paid him and said good bye. Then when I called a tuk tuk on my app to come get me, it was him! (this rarely if ever happens) He laughed at me for getting a tuk tuk to go so close to my house and the fact that I didn't buy very much, telling me I could have driven my moto (scooter). I explained that I had planned to buy this big bucket for water, but they didn't have any. He then exclaimed that he knew where to get one and it wasn't very far away. He would take me! (Now the thing about wonderful, helpful tuk tuk drivers like him, is it is hard to tell them no, and it is hard to convince them that you can do it later.) So I obliged and off we went to a small local market nearby that I don't know very well. He stopped at one shop asked if they had any of these buckets, and they did not. Stopped at another and they had them! Yay! So I jumped out and talked with the shop owner. She only had the second to biggest buckets and the largest lids. So I could get a bucket and  come back later for the lid... I agreed, and the price was probably double what it would normally be, but I knew we needed it, I knew everyone was buying them, and that this might just be THE price now. So I paid it and brought it home. The tuk tuk driver was proud of himself for helping me, but shocked it was so expensive, and told me all the way home. I paid him, and thanked him.

I brought my new found bucket with no lid into the house, with my washing tubs, and Chris asked me what I had bought. He was surprised by the price, and that it didn't have a lid. I confidently told him that I would go back the next week and pick up the lid as she assured me they would have them next week. Now these kind of errands are hard. She doesn't speak any English and I don't quite have the vocabulary for this area of life. So even buying the bucket is like I want one of these (pointing at  a small bucket) but bigger. She asking me in Khmer, that I only understand about half of, and me saying yes, assuming it is what I meant. Then her bringing out the bucket but no lid. Me asking where is the thing that goes on top? (because I don't know the word for lid) Her saying the word for lid and asking if that is what I mean, me shrugging and nodding because I think so. Then her telling me about the lids, and me guessing she means she doesn't have them but will. She gives me her number to call her in a few days to see if she has them yet, which I take knowing full well I will not be calling it, because phone conversations in a second language are hard,but maybe I can get Chris to do it. I leave wondering if I will ever get a lid for the bucket.

So for a week I put this trip back to this little shop off. Chris presses me a bit that I really should go back. I assure him that he could go, I could tell where. (Obviously he doesn't want to either) Clearly I know I don't have all the language skills I need to do this easily, and if she isn't there, or doesn't remember me, I have to start all over with talking like a 3 year old and pointing and trying to explain what I am looking for. I work up the courage, and I head back on my moto this time. I get there and my biggest fear is coming true, she isn't there her husband is, and the shop is busy. (Sellers are much more patient when with my Khmer when they are not busy naturally) So I wait a bit, and summon the courage to head in. I tell the husband that I bought one of those (pointing at the bucket) the week before but didn't get one of the things that goes on top, because they didn't have them, and the lady had told me I could come get one this week. He looks at me confused. I wonder if what I said made any sense at all. Then he smiles and says oh yeah, not yet. You have to wait. However the way he said it was unsure if I needed to wait like 5-10 mins and his wife would be back. Or if they hadn't received any yet and I needed to wait like another week. So confused I let him get to other customers and headed out to my moto, where I then sit for 5-10 mins replaying the conversation in my head trying to decide do I stay? Or do I go? What does he expect me to do? His shop quiets down, and he walks out to the front to see me still sitting there. He asks me if I need something else. I then ask him, so do you have the thing or not? He then explains to me again (much more patiently) that they haven't come in yet, and I needed to come back another day. Also offers to take my name and phone number and call me when they come. So we stumble through me spelling my name in Khmer, and giving my phone number, and I leave. I buy a few fruit and veggies on the way and go home.

I walk in the door and Chris says no lid huh? I say yup, and I don't think we will get one. We both laugh, and are still waiting for him to call me. Have I gone back to ask about my lid again? Nope. Why, because it feels overwhelming, I don't want them to feel bad for not having it, and if it is someone different I may have the same exhausting experience again. So we have a bucket for water with no lid, and it has been working just fine. It is also a great reminder of all the things we still have learn living in a country, language, and  culture different than the one we grew up in. 

You may be thinking oh that's just one thing, and you would be so wrong. It is many things, and these things happen daily. Sometimes they are worth pushing through, and sometimes like this lid they are not. To be honest that is ok too.

                                              

Long time no post

I should go through and count how many times I vow to post on here more frequently or regularly... I always want to, but we get busy, or I simply cannot think of things worth posting etc. So I am done making promises that I will post regularly or every week etc. However, I don't want to completely let this fizzle out and end, sooo here is another post! Hopefully more will follow, but no promises.

I find myself sitting in a coffee shop today that I have spent many of my afternoons in the last few summers. It is about two blocks from an amazing summer Khmer program the girls love, and that is too far from home to bring the girls and go home, so I come here or another coffee shop and work on things or study. I also go to my language classes twice a week, and it is a fun change of pace for all 3 of us.

Today when I walked into this coffee shop I was overwhelmed with new emotions attached to this place. It was the first place in the city outside of our home that was kind of my spot. I found it the first try when a friend mentioned it to me, and I was so excited to have found it on my own, and have a safe, cool place to spend my afternoons studying Khmer, and working on things. Then came last summer, when I alternated between here and other places and was studying, and working on homeschool things, as well as English lessons for church. I felt, comforted, relaxed, and nostalgic as I walked in today, ordered in Khmer, sat down, and pulled my computer out. It no longer feels foreign at all but familiar and normal. I remember when I first came to this coffee shop, the relief I would feel that I found it again, and that I could relax, and the anxiousness I would feel when it came time to leave to walk back to the girls school, because everything felt stressful then. Contrasted with today it is just normal. It feels normal. I am not nervous about walking back to the girls' school, or talking with their teacher, this is our life, and I like it.

This reflection as I sat down here today really reflects so much of our lives here in Cambodia now. We have been here two and a half years and so many things that used to be exhausting, that used to be so stressful, and hard, are now normal. They are now how we do things, and I don't question it. It is good to have found a place, a home here, and to be comfortable. Then I stretch in new ways, and grow and become uncomfortable, or change, and that is good too.

My newest idea for this blog is to share about these things that feel so normal now, or don't feel normal but we've adjusted, and give glimpses in new ways into our lives.

Lead me...

"Trust in the Lord, and live."

I wanted to encourage you to turn to Jesus in whatever your need might be. I was reading my bible and the prophet kept saying "Turn to Yahweh and live!" but the people kept trying everything else instead. Then I immediately thought of the day we were preparing to leave Cambodia for this home assignment, and I had done a huge last load of laundry and as soon as the washing machine finished spinning it began to pour rain, and the kind of rain that look liked it would last all day. 

While I was cleaning the rest of our house I frantically texted a friend for quick ideas of how to get that huge load of laundry dry so I could put it away before we left that evening for the airport. She gave me great ideas, of hanging it inside with fans etc. but I decided to wait it out. I decided to finish mopping and then hang the laundry, maybe the sun would come back out. I was mopping the last floor, looked up and it was still raining, lightly raining. 

Then I thought I should ask God to stop the rain. So I quickly and maybe even halfheartedly prayed, "God please stop the rain so I can hang my laundry, and it will dry before we leave tonight". About 5 minutes later the rain had nearly stopped, the sun was coming out, and a small breeze picked up!

I ran upstairs and hung the laundry, it didn't rain the rest of the day, and it was all mostly dry by the time I got home to fold it and put it away before we headed to the airport. See I connected with this because I stressed over it for probably close to 2 hours before I stopped to pray for a small thing. He cares about the small things and He will meet us in those things. Would it have stopped raining anyway? Maybe, but the point God highlighted for me in this little illustration was to not forget to ask before I run to other things, or people to fix my problems. He can do it, and He cares even about the small things.

Don't forget to bring it to Him. The big, the small, the in between. He cares, He sees, and He wants to meet you in that thing. 

Am I Convinced?? Are you??

SO this is something I wrote a few months ago, in reaction to watching the series A.D. I have also recently been listening to the bible project podcast, and many of these things are still stirring in my heart. God is doing something deep in me with this idea of loving others. Decided it was time to share this. I hope it encourages others like it is me, to let Jesus do this work deep in your hearts as well to love the way He loves us. 

We have been watching the series A.D. on netflix recently. It has left me wondering so many things. Especially about my own heart, seeing a portrayal of the Holy Spirit, and the real power of the Holy Spirit, and the early church. What they did, what they gave up, and how they moved through the events after Jesus rose again. I am left wondering what I would have done. Peter makes a speech in one of the episodes right after the Holy Spirit comes and I actually wanted to leap off my couch at 10pm at night and do what he said.

I found myself wondering what I believe about the power of the Holy Spirit in us, and the sacrifices I am willing to make to see Jesus come to people. Over and over I hear Peter (in the show) speak about love, how love was Jesus's way, even talking with other Jews about how they are no longer to fight with each other but just fight. (I have been reading through the old testament recently, and the bloodshed and fighting has been standing out to me too... so this distinction Peter makes of the time before to fight and the time now to love like Jesus did was amazing to me. Really I just needed a place to put all of these thoughts.

Also they set out to rescue and love all those that needed help. Even knowing they may be taken advantage of, and used. That was ok, because that is a risk when we love others. Barnabas giving what he had, they all facing death at any moment, and giving up family etc. Spoke deeply to me too, we have given up a lot to come to Cambodia and have gained a lot. We have made sacrifces but truly nothing in comparison to what those who have gone before us have given up.

I have been struggling in my heart lately to want to love people, all people the way Jesus did, and the way He has asked and created me to. I find myself feeling hardened lately, because it is scary to put yourself out there and love the way Jesus asks us to. But I am confident that it is what we are called to do, and it what our early church roots were based on.

So much of what we should be doing is counter cultural to where we live, to human culture anywhere, because God is not human, and though aspects of human culture reflect who He is, it flawed because it is not fully who God is.

One more thing that struck me was watching a portrayal of the man and wife who held money back from God. I have heard that story over and over again, I recognized the couple as soon as they came on the screen. They gave so much, but they held back. I wonder though if it was worse that they just simply weren't honest about it. They said they gave all they had, but they didn't, they held back. They lied, and thought they had gotten away with it. Then their disobedience, the effect it had on the others, and on church. Here are these people who love God, and Jesus and want to give all, but are scared so they hold back. When they hold back the pretend they don't and all are deceived, then when they are punished people are scared of Peter, but it wasn't Peter who killed them.

How often does our disobedience hurt those in community with us around us, and pull us away from what God is doing? Or make others afraid of what God might do?

A Perfectly Summer Day

Well we have been over here running at a pace much faster than our normal "school year" pace. We have more Khmer lessons, and the girls are doing a Khmer summer program, we are running at a fast pace.

However, today we had perfectly "summer" restful morning. We played games, we blew bubbles, Amirah did blocks, we drew a lot, and we sat. We played on the playground and we road bikes. We did play dough, and the only chore we did was dishes. We swung on our swing, and we enjoyed each other. It was so very very nice.

Lately the girls have been sleeping in a bit and this morning they were wide awake and ready to go early, which made our morning even longer and more restful. It was wonderful.

#Merica Day

Yesterday we had a #merica day, at a Japanese mall, and an European warehouse type store. We bought berries. Strawberries,  blue berries, raspberries and black berries!!!! This is something I have missed for the whole 18 months we have lived in Cambodia. We found strawberries in the market in January, and February, but not for long. And though you can buy frozen berries in some variety here they can be between $10-$20 a kilo. These were $5 a kilo! They are frozen, but at such a good price! So we came home from these places and made hamburgers with strawberry milk shakes.

We love living in Cambodia. We love being here, learning/speaking Khmer, our friends, our home, but some days, it is so fun to have a delicious taste of home. So for now I will be munching on frozen berries, and baking things like blueberry muffins... we will enjoy a taste of home, that makes us feel a bit closer to our family and friends in America.

Today we are back to our normal Sunday of church, and preparing for the week ahead. Chris and the girls are washing motos, and bikes, I am meal planning, and wondering if I will be able to find the ingredients I plan to buy. Layla is eating a popsicle in her underwear.

It is a great Sunday afternoon in Cambodia.

You Don't Chose to Move to a Foreign Land for No Reason

What I have learned living in Cambodia

Things I have learned living in Cambodia:

1. Maybe I am not as fluent in English as I had once thought I was. Also us Americans speak an English that is (I would say) the most different from everyone else's English.

2. My kids are picking up things from the "other English". So if you talk to them and they call the bathroom the toilet, or the elevator the lift, or soccer football...give them grace. :)

3. When you live in a city that is built up with steep stairs you and your young children become master stair climbers. However when you live in a house full of stairs your children may forget that they are master stair climbers.

4. Be gentle to people you know learning your language. Language learning is downright hard. Though they can't tell you their name today, might of been able to hold a full conversation with you yesterday, so give them grace, and try again next time you see them. Don't give up on them.

5. A smile and gentle face can go further than you ever knew.

6. Let go of being in a hurry, or trying to be on time. Sometimes you will just be late, getting mad doesn't help it. Sometimes you will just be super early, and the other person will be late, and again anger doesn't help. Relax.

7. Sometimes life is like driving in traffic, everyone goes in their own direct all at the same time and it works, other times it takes someone from the outside stepping in and helping untangle the mess in the middle of the intersection.

8. Coffee is life. Don't forget your coffee.

9. Being who you are is enough. sometimes that is adding to who you are as you adapt and learn and change to be apart of a new language and culture and sometimes it is bring your home culture and life into your relationships here and sharing with those around you.

10. There are times you feel like you maybe have lost yourself. You aren't sure who you are, and what makes you you, but then you remember Jesus. He is the answer He knows who you are and who you will be. He is molding and forming you. Trust the process.

11. Loving others can be so easy most days and so hard other days. Give grace and except grace for yourself.

12. It's ok to pray for safety every time you leave your house, and to eat street food sometimes.

13. My kids like rice. Like really really like rice.

14. Layla likes chili peppers and sour mango.

15. Amirah can be so kind, and makes new friends so easily, everywhere we go.

16. Saying goodbye to friends you have just made can be so hard.

17. Sometimes it takes 2 languages to say what you are trying to say.

18. My family is feeling a bit homesick when we tend to eat mostly American or Mexican food.

19. Swimming almost anywhere is great family time.

20. There is so much more to learn!!!

Who Your Obedience Effects

Often we may write off obedience as being too small, or simply that, that thing could just be too small for God to actually be asking me to do that. We think He can't care about that, or we are waiting to be trusted with the "big thing" He is asking you to do.

Here is the truth, often if not always we have to be obedient in the small things. Obedient in the quiet, in the things that seem to not matter much, then He will ask you to be obedient in the bigger and bigger things. Sometimes the thing you think is small truly is big. It may even seem small because you are so used to obey Him, it just doesn't even seem big anymore.

About 3/4 months ago I was thinking about doing an online retreat for women who work cross culturally, but I was unsure if I should take the time, and spend the money to do it. A few days later I got an email from a member of our ministry team that she had heard about the retreat and she wanted to pay for me to do the retreat. Though the cost of the retreat wasn't much it was the push I needed to decide to do it. Because she was obedient to offer that simple gift to me, 5 of us moms, and 1 grandma got away, and were able to spend the weekend with Jesus, and each other. It was wonderful. It was exactly what my soul needed. This has now grown for us 6 into almost a monthly gathering. God took 6 of us who needed each other, and each others' friendships and knit us together a bit that weekend. All because a sweet member of our support team decided to be obedient to the prompting the Holy Spirit had given her. She invested, and now there are these deeper friendships forming amongst moms, and this grandma that was so needed.

That's my testimony of obedience. Just simply obey, you never know who it will effect. Whether it is big obedience or small obedience or like in the story above, maybe seemingly small obedience that is big for someone else.

A New Season

We have recently moved into a new house. To say it has been a project is an understatement. The hardest part has been to have the surprise of the project and adjustment it has been. It feels a bit like moving from the dorms at university your freshman year into a house with roommates your sophomore year. You suddenly realize all the things that you didn’t have to worry about living in the dorms, and how much easier 1 roommate was than a house full of roommates. You also have to figure out more of how to get places and though you may have done that in the dorms things are maybe a little further and life is just a bit more complex while being a bit more simple all at the same time. You have to learn new ways of living and though you like it,  suddenly all that was done for you is no longer lost on you. For us this past month has been like that. Moving from an apartment in a fairly central part of the city to a house more on the edge of the city. We like and maybe even by now are beginning to love our new house, however it is an adjustment.

We are in a new season, speaking more Khmer at home than we did before, rubbing shoulders with neighbors more often, and the kids playing with neighbor kids all the time. We are truly loving being in a neighborhood with families, and hopefully being a light for Jesus to the people around us. We are further from the center of the city, which means it is quieter, we eat at home more for dinner, and I am still trying to work out the best places and ways to grocery shop. Before I had my favorite markets and sellers in those markets, but now that is too far away to frequent for my weekly shopping trips, so I get to explore new markets and super markets. This is fun, and frustrating. Some days it is a fun adventure, other days it is frustrating and exhausting. Then there are weeks I give up and I go back to the market 20 mins away, because it is easy, and what can I say I miss it. We now have more house, more space, and can accommodate guests easier, and expand our ministry within our home. We also get to eat and talk, relax and sit with our neighbors. This is a blessing, and teaching us so much about Khmer culture we haven't yet learned or have learned in the classroom but not as much outside of the classroom.

Language learning for me had taken a break, and a backseat while we got moved and settled, but now I am ramping back up! Amirah and Layla are doing a summer Khmer program at an international preschool here, and I am having that time to catch up on things like this blog! And turn much needed attention back to my language study.

Amirah is officially a Kindergartner and Layla will start preschool when Amirah starts Kindergarten, we are entering the school age years!

Chris is working full time+ and enjoying it, we are truly in a new season here in Phnom Penh.

That's Normal Right???

It's normal to travel around with your 5 year old and 3 year old on a scooter right? To grocery shop with a backpack, and buy what you can fit, and what you can carry? It's normal to eat things touched by strangers with un-gloved hands, right? It's normal to not notice the man peeing on the side of the street, or the naked boys running around right? A totally normal to not fear my child slipping through the railing anymore because she has learned not to climb on it? It's normal to have very slick title around a swimming pool right? Normal to change your meal plan for the week because a place that had an ingredient last time has none?

I have found that I have become so used to our normal, that I don't even think of these things anymore unless someone is visiting or just moved here. All these things and more are totally normal to me.

However since moving into our new house I have so many things to add to this list of "normal things". The transition from an apartment to a house, and in a community has been a bit of a shock.  I am sure that in an a few more months there will be so many more things I won't think of anymore as unusual, and when you come to visit, you will look at me and ask if that is normal. I will smile and I will say yes, yes it is... here.

The beauty of this all is how God has made us all different, how He has shaped our societies and cultures differently and how they reflect aspects of who He is. There are things here I no longer see that aren't just different, they are also not good. However most things are truly are neither good or bad, they are just simply different, and when I look at our own American culture I see the same. Things that are not good, and things I that are good and I miss, and things that are simply just different. Embrace the different around. You just might see another aspect of our wonderful Heavenly Father.

Anxiety

We miss you....

Just so you know, we miss you. We miss our friends and family that we have moved away from.. We miss our home church in Durango, and we miss the people we love all over the US. We miss you. Most of all we miss people, our family and friends whom we have history with. Though we are making new friends here, and building history here it isn't quite the same, and when I am feeling homesick it is for those close relationships.

We also miss the mountains and the snow, a dishwasher, a garbage disposal.. but those things are easy. Easy to leave behind, and honestly only missed some of the time. I miss people.

January was a hard month for me. Many people are leaving, moving away or back to the US. There are so many leaving or getting ready to leave, and it is kind of hard. One of the harder parts is knowing as we build relationships that eventually they will move too, or we might move. Choosing to love and connect with people right here, right now, regardless for how long we have with them is hard. It is hard work for my heart to want to open up, and connect with people who are or may be leaving soon. It's hard for me to let my kids do the same. Knowing how sad they will be when people are leaving. It is just hard. Hard remember these these relationships now, no matter how long or short they are, they are worth the investment.

But then I think of all my beloved friends back in US. The people we left. The deep value of those friendships, and the connect we still have. The joy Facebook gives of being able to stay connected a little more easily, and the greater joy that for many of my friends here in Cambodia and all over the world, some day we will be reunited in heaven. Celebrating, and worshiping Jesus altogether. The joy of that is amazing. My dream come true to be with everyone I love worshiping together in heaven. Maybe that's why God sometimes calls us to all different parts of the world, so we will recognize heaven when we are there, so we get a glimpse of the vastness of what He is doing in the Earth, and joy for being altogether.

I don't want to miss out because I decided to disconnect to protect my heart. I want to be someone who dives into relationships, connects, and sobs, weeps when one of us moves away. I want my kids to be the same. Then we get to let Jesus heal the hurt, and be in the mourning with us. I suppose this is true living anywhere in the world, eventually you or people you love move. It just feels farther away when they move a world away.

So if you have wondered if we miss you, we do. If you have wondered if we would have time to talk with you if you called or texted, absolutely. If you have wondered if we would even want to catch up or if Amirah misses your kids, we would love, and she does. :) Scheduling is tricky with the time change. But I want you to know, we miss you.