This last weekend I had the privilege of going to a women's retreat with our home church. It was amazing.
Since we left Durango 4 months ago, I have wrestled with what it means to call a church our home church or our sending church. This is really simply because I want wherever we are to find a local home church to be apart of, invest in and be in community with. So how can a place we have left be home too?? I also kind of thought that once we were gone we were gone, and even somewhat forgotten.
I was WRONG!!!
The River Church is our home church, our sending church... and though I didn't know what that meant or what that looked like I am so grateful that they know! They knew and they are so good at it! Even before we have headed overseas they are taking time to pray for us, they haven't forgotten us, and they love us! They love us... they love us enough that they are our biggest cheerleaders for what God is leading us to do. They are a safe place for us to land, I was so reminded of this this weekend. They are our church family.
My prayer is that in Cambodia we will find a church home, that can be another piece of our extended church family. To have community with and to love, and all those good things. We learned how be apart of community at The River Church. We learned how to do community and do it well at The River Church. Our home church/our sending church is and always will be this special family, piece to our story, and greatest encouragers because they love us so well.
The River Church has invested in our ministry, and will always be critical part of that ministry. I am so grateful for them, and for that special community. It was hard to leave you ladies yesterday. I was so overwhelmed by the way you loved me and my family this weekend. Thank you for being you.
Also, if you are reading this and are thinking that you wish you had a church family as amazing as we do, or that you wish you had a community of people looking out for you no matter where you are...you could. Here's how:
1. INVEST where you are. Invest your time, energy, money, love, sweat, and tears into a local church. You will get a return that will blow you away. It is worth it.
2. LOVE where you are. Love the people. Love them enough to walk through conflict with them, to speak truth in love, to learn with them. It is worth it.
3. BE VULNERABLE with who you are with. Be open, be honest, let people love you. Let people help you. It is worth it.
I am so grateful for a weekend with women who I love, and who love me. Life long friends I know I can always come home to.
Thank you home church.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
He sees you...yes you...
Having followed Jesus for somewhere around 24 years, I have found that I grow through different season, different times, and all kinds of emotions. I have learned that God is good, sufficient, trustworthy, and unfailing.
However there have been many times when I question Him, I wander while I wonder about who He really is, and if He really cares. I wonder if He could forgive me, if Jesus could/would truly wipe away my guilt, my tears, and make me whole. I feel closed out by "His people" or I am on the ill-guided receiving end from "His people", and I wonder if He cares, if He is real. Or maybe I have burned others by my ill-guided ideas and thoughts, and later realize how wrong I was, maybe I even spoke truth, but missed the love part.
I have many friends I have watched wander also, while they wonder about their relationship with Jesus, their past passions for Him, and their current frustration, uncertainty, and passiveness about Him. I have been there.
I am always drawn back to Him though. To His word, His people, His love and His patience. I am drawn back to His heart, and His understanding. He woos me towards Him, to deeper levels. I have been contemplating this a lot lately. How on the other side of every wall of disbelief, questioning, and sorrow He is still there, He is waiting, He is seeking me out. I see the foundation He build deep within me before I ever hit my first wall in my faith, the way He know I could draw and dwell on that when everything in me wanted to run, hide, and never speak to Him again.
He is so faithful.
He sees you.
He is good, and He loves you.
Often we are pushed away from our Savior because of His people. His imperfect people doing their best to love, show Jesus and serve Him. Sometimes it is because they are loving us well and we don't feel that lovable, so we feel guilty and we run. We run from that which makes us feel good, because we "deserve to feel awful, to feel miserable."
BUT... Here is the truth. It isn't about the people who have messed up, it isn't about you feeling awful or miserable. It IS about you. It IS about Jesus. It is about Him seeing, loving and chasing you, simply because He loves you. It isn't a numbers game to Him, it's a love affair with you. I wanted to share this, because the more friends I meet who are wandering around, wander away, searching for a renewed sense of the truth to fit them, to fit their lives, and feelings the more my heart breaks as they look. I want them to see, to feel Jesus wooing them, calling them back to His truth, showing them who they were created to be, and the abundance He has for them right where they are at. Not in a year when their life is more in order... not in a week when they are done with that struggle, but right now, right here.
However there have been many times when I question Him, I wander while I wonder about who He really is, and if He really cares. I wonder if He could forgive me, if Jesus could/would truly wipe away my guilt, my tears, and make me whole. I feel closed out by "His people" or I am on the ill-guided receiving end from "His people", and I wonder if He cares, if He is real. Or maybe I have burned others by my ill-guided ideas and thoughts, and later realize how wrong I was, maybe I even spoke truth, but missed the love part.
I have many friends I have watched wander also, while they wonder about their relationship with Jesus, their past passions for Him, and their current frustration, uncertainty, and passiveness about Him. I have been there.
I am always drawn back to Him though. To His word, His people, His love and His patience. I am drawn back to His heart, and His understanding. He woos me towards Him, to deeper levels. I have been contemplating this a lot lately. How on the other side of every wall of disbelief, questioning, and sorrow He is still there, He is waiting, He is seeking me out. I see the foundation He build deep within me before I ever hit my first wall in my faith, the way He know I could draw and dwell on that when everything in me wanted to run, hide, and never speak to Him again.
He is so faithful.
He sees you.
He is good, and He loves you.
Often we are pushed away from our Savior because of His people. His imperfect people doing their best to love, show Jesus and serve Him. Sometimes it is because they are loving us well and we don't feel that lovable, so we feel guilty and we run. We run from that which makes us feel good, because we "deserve to feel awful, to feel miserable."
BUT... Here is the truth. It isn't about the people who have messed up, it isn't about you feeling awful or miserable. It IS about you. It IS about Jesus. It is about Him seeing, loving and chasing you, simply because He loves you. It isn't a numbers game to Him, it's a love affair with you. I wanted to share this, because the more friends I meet who are wandering around, wander away, searching for a renewed sense of the truth to fit them, to fit their lives, and feelings the more my heart breaks as they look. I want them to see, to feel Jesus wooing them, calling them back to His truth, showing them who they were created to be, and the abundance He has for them right where they are at. Not in a year when their life is more in order... not in a week when they are done with that struggle, but right now, right here.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Homesick?
Have you ever been homesick but you didn't even fully know for where? That's how I have felt today. I have felt homesick. We are in our nomadic state, and have been for awhile now, and when we got back from the East Coast I was eager to be home, and to go to church. Then I realized I this doesn't feel like home. In some weird way I don't feel like I have a home, one that is ours. My heart was longing for my friends, my home, and my church. We are apart of a great church here, but my church for 10 years has been in Durango, and I miss my people. My family of choice, and the stability of that family, and home. Realizing our time is coming to an end here in the US is both exciting and exhausting. I am excited to go, to have a new home, to connect into a new church where we will be. I am excited to plant myself again. Feeling homeless is hard. Especially when you are homesick and you aren't quite sure where you are homesick for. What if you are homesick and without a home?...then what do you do?
While we were at CIT there was a feeling of home. A space that was ours, and people who understood our hearts, circumstances, and feelings. They were there too. Now we are back. Fighting through, feeling like we are home and yet still a little homesick...Is it possible to be homesick for a place that hasn't been our home yet? I think it might be. I feel a little homesick for Cambodia, to get there to have a home, and to start building community.
This is short. However I wanted to share this weird feeling... have you ever felt this way? There is so so much joy and anticipation in our hearts right now, but also a lot of sorrow and grief. It is sad to leave behind people and places we love. It is hard being in the in-between. It is exciting and a little bit scary to be moving forward.
God is good, He is trustworthy, He is faithful. He hasn't failed, and He won't start now. I am so grateful to serve such an awesome God.
While we were at CIT there was a feeling of home. A space that was ours, and people who understood our hearts, circumstances, and feelings. They were there too. Now we are back. Fighting through, feeling like we are home and yet still a little homesick...Is it possible to be homesick for a place that hasn't been our home yet? I think it might be. I feel a little homesick for Cambodia, to get there to have a home, and to start building community.
This is short. However I wanted to share this weird feeling... have you ever felt this way? There is so so much joy and anticipation in our hearts right now, but also a lot of sorrow and grief. It is sad to leave behind people and places we love. It is hard being in the in-between. It is exciting and a little bit scary to be moving forward.
God is good, He is trustworthy, He is faithful. He hasn't failed, and He won't start now. I am so grateful to serve such an awesome God.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Ummm... Where do I start???
So we have been on the move most of August. Even now we are in the middle of being away. I am sitting here in North Carolina at the Center for Intercultural Training, with two more days of classes left. We left Colorado Springs July 30th (for World Staff Conference with EMI), and still have a week more or traveling. God has been doing so much inside our family and me. I have so many things I could share! I will probably post many things about these last 3 weeks in the coming weeks as I have some down time to process them more clearly, and really pray about what God has done and is doing in me. So you can be ready for that! For now here are some highlights so far in our August adventures!
World Staff Conference in Granby, CO (Snow Mountain Ranch)
Most fun thing: Summer tubing! It was a blast! Oh, and we got to finally meet all the people we are moving to Cambodia with in person!! :)
Hardest thing: Everything was so spread out, and Layla had a hard time with class, but she was so well loved by the childcare people, it was sad to say goodbye to them!
Biggest take away for me: EMI is a great ministry to be a part of. I am so grateful for EMI, the people within EMI, and the heart of EMI. I was continually blown away by how families interacted when they didn't think or know anyone was watching. As well as how families interacted with other families, and the belonging we felt within the EMI family. Just awesome.
(There were also amazing break out sessions, and great worship and main sessions)
Playing mini-golf at the camp!
North Carolina and CIT Second Language Acquisition Training
Most Fun thing: Spending time with Jamie last weekend! Also we have gotten to swim most days after class which has been great family time, and time with other CIT families.
Weekend with Aunt Jamie was so much fun!!
Hardest thing: Wrapping my mind around learning a new language and culture, sitting in class 8:30-3:30 everyday.
Biggest take away for me: (Now we still have two days left so there might be something else later.) I can learn Khmer! God can help me learn Khmer! Learning Khmer will expand part of who I am and expand my perspective of how I see God. The second thing is being in community with people (like at the staff conference) who have laid it all out there for God to show or we are out of luck is amazing.
OK now a story just to brag on God... Our last flight from Denver to here I left my phone on the plane, and didn't realize it until we were at our hotel for the night. I knew exactly where I had left it, in the the seat back pocket in front of my seat! Now my first thought was They never look in there it's gone forever. This sucks! We tried calling the airline to see if someone had seen it or could check on the plane we had just got off of, and the recording said they were closed, which was weird because it was only 4:30 east-coast time. So I decided to see if I could get the free airport shuttle back to the airport, they were happy to take me back, but continually informed me how they couldn't wait for me because who knew how long it might take to get my phone back. I totally understood that I maybe at the airport for hours, what a great way to start our time here. We got to the airport and I ran into the counter for our airline, where you check you bags in. Two guys were there chatting, I explained I had just come in from Atlanta and I had left my phone on the plane, one of the guys jumps up and says, "I have it! It's in the back. I'll go get it!" I was almost in tears! I couldn't believe that anyone even saw it, and then that the guy I walked up to was the person who knew right where it was. So I thanked them for my phone and ran back out to try to catch the shuttle before it left to go back to the airport, and the shuttle driver had decided to stop for a smoke before heading back to the hotel, so she was still there! So cool! I was so grateful, and knew right away that not only was finding my phone all God, but having it only take a 10-15 min trip to the airport to get it back! When does that ever happen with something like that with an airline?? Praise God! I love how he cares about us and the little things in our lives.
Leaving from DIA to North Carolina!
God has blessed us so much during the last three weeks, we have loved watching Him take care of us, and the people around us, we love getting to see all He is doing around the world. We are a little bewildered and in awe that He would chose to use us to further that. What a gracious and mighty God we serve.
Reading in one of the many playrooms here at CIT!
Is there anything cuter than sisters walking hand in hand?
World Staff Conference in Granby, CO (Snow Mountain Ranch)
Most fun thing: Summer tubing! It was a blast! Oh, and we got to finally meet all the people we are moving to Cambodia with in person!! :)
Hardest thing: Everything was so spread out, and Layla had a hard time with class, but she was so well loved by the childcare people, it was sad to say goodbye to them!
Biggest take away for me: EMI is a great ministry to be a part of. I am so grateful for EMI, the people within EMI, and the heart of EMI. I was continually blown away by how families interacted when they didn't think or know anyone was watching. As well as how families interacted with other families, and the belonging we felt within the EMI family. Just awesome.
(There were also amazing break out sessions, and great worship and main sessions)
Playing mini-golf at the camp!North Carolina and CIT Second Language Acquisition Training
Most Fun thing: Spending time with Jamie last weekend! Also we have gotten to swim most days after class which has been great family time, and time with other CIT families.
Weekend with Aunt Jamie was so much fun!!Hardest thing: Wrapping my mind around learning a new language and culture, sitting in class 8:30-3:30 everyday.
Biggest take away for me: (Now we still have two days left so there might be something else later.) I can learn Khmer! God can help me learn Khmer! Learning Khmer will expand part of who I am and expand my perspective of how I see God. The second thing is being in community with people (like at the staff conference) who have laid it all out there for God to show or we are out of luck is amazing.
OK now a story just to brag on God... Our last flight from Denver to here I left my phone on the plane, and didn't realize it until we were at our hotel for the night. I knew exactly where I had left it, in the the seat back pocket in front of my seat! Now my first thought was They never look in there it's gone forever. This sucks! We tried calling the airline to see if someone had seen it or could check on the plane we had just got off of, and the recording said they were closed, which was weird because it was only 4:30 east-coast time. So I decided to see if I could get the free airport shuttle back to the airport, they were happy to take me back, but continually informed me how they couldn't wait for me because who knew how long it might take to get my phone back. I totally understood that I maybe at the airport for hours, what a great way to start our time here. We got to the airport and I ran into the counter for our airline, where you check you bags in. Two guys were there chatting, I explained I had just come in from Atlanta and I had left my phone on the plane, one of the guys jumps up and says, "I have it! It's in the back. I'll go get it!" I was almost in tears! I couldn't believe that anyone even saw it, and then that the guy I walked up to was the person who knew right where it was. So I thanked them for my phone and ran back out to try to catch the shuttle before it left to go back to the airport, and the shuttle driver had decided to stop for a smoke before heading back to the hotel, so she was still there! So cool! I was so grateful, and knew right away that not only was finding my phone all God, but having it only take a 10-15 min trip to the airport to get it back! When does that ever happen with something like that with an airline?? Praise God! I love how he cares about us and the little things in our lives.
Leaving from DIA to North Carolina!God has blessed us so much during the last three weeks, we have loved watching Him take care of us, and the people around us, we love getting to see all He is doing around the world. We are a little bewildered and in awe that He would chose to use us to further that. What a gracious and mighty God we serve.
Reading in one of the many playrooms here at CIT!
Is there anything cuter than sisters walking hand in hand?Friday, July 29, 2016
Chlorine, Sunshine, Water, Sunscreen and Picnic Lunches (cute pictures of the girls)
This summer has been a summer of fun! I giggled to myself the other day when I was going to the bathroom and looked in the bath tub and realized there was a dark circle around the tub from the girls' baths. They have been spending so much time outside our tub was dirty. I thought to myself, that is the sign a wonderful summer. Then I was pulling Layla out of bed one morning this last week and she smelled like swimming pool (chlorine) and sunscreen, and I though that's a sign of a wonderful summer. We have been having a wonderful summer! The girls and I have played and played.
For the first time in my life I don't want summer to end! We are loving the warm weather, and I suppose that's a good thing with our next transition. We have been frequenting parks, fountains, swimming lessons, and just simply enjoying the backyard. God has been doing so much in us as a family as we are learning and growing in preparation for Cambodia.
Layla Lou! She is one of the silliest kids I have ever met, and such a fun little water baby!
Backyard fun! Grandma's planter has become their outdoor play house and watering the plants is a favorite pass time!
Amirah finally got her glide down on her balance bike!
Layla is figuring out this walking thing, she is loving her walker!
I have been learning and thinking a lot about who I am, who God made me to be. I have been thinking about the importance of our identity, and understanding how we uniquely reflect our Heavenly Father. Often when we are playing I think about this stage of life, how confident the girls are in who they are, and what they want to do. I've been thinking about when we lose that, what happens? How come we let others steal pieces of that? I don't ever want anyone to take that from my girls. I pray that they will grow in confidence of who they are, and with confidence that Jesus loves them so much, exactly how they are. That way they can always reflect the exact aspects of God that they were created to reflect, and change the world with who God made them to be.
As I am relearning at age 28 who God created me to be, and changing things about who I had molded myself into, I am finding freedom. Freedom to be me, freedom to play in the fountain with my girls, freedom to just watch, freedom to play and to be me, freedom to talk to and enjoy others around me, and freedom to see the joy in the way that God created me to be.
Summer is wonderful. Being, and becoming more of who God created you to be is wonderful. Enjoying the girls is wonderful. Soaking up the sun is wonderful. Learning and preparing for Cambodia is wonderful, and hard. God is doing and teaching us so much, and I am confident that when January comes we will be boarding that plane as confidently as we can, as prepared as we could be, and with hearts ready for the next season. God is so good, so faithful and so trustworthy!
For the first time in my life I don't want summer to end! We are loving the warm weather, and I suppose that's a good thing with our next transition. We have been frequenting parks, fountains, swimming lessons, and just simply enjoying the backyard. God has been doing so much in us as a family as we are learning and growing in preparation for Cambodia.
Amirah at Prospect Lake! She is so fun, and becoming so brave!
I have been learning and thinking a lot about who I am, who God made me to be. I have been thinking about the importance of our identity, and understanding how we uniquely reflect our Heavenly Father. Often when we are playing I think about this stage of life, how confident the girls are in who they are, and what they want to do. I've been thinking about when we lose that, what happens? How come we let others steal pieces of that? I don't ever want anyone to take that from my girls. I pray that they will grow in confidence of who they are, and with confidence that Jesus loves them so much, exactly how they are. That way they can always reflect the exact aspects of God that they were created to reflect, and change the world with who God made them to be.
As I am relearning at age 28 who God created me to be, and changing things about who I had molded myself into, I am finding freedom. Freedom to be me, freedom to play in the fountain with my girls, freedom to just watch, freedom to play and to be me, freedom to talk to and enjoy others around me, and freedom to see the joy in the way that God created me to be.
Summer is wonderful. Being, and becoming more of who God created you to be is wonderful. Enjoying the girls is wonderful. Soaking up the sun is wonderful. Learning and preparing for Cambodia is wonderful, and hard. God is doing and teaching us so much, and I am confident that when January comes we will be boarding that plane as confidently as we can, as prepared as we could be, and with hearts ready for the next season. God is so good, so faithful and so trustworthy!
Monday, July 11, 2016
Share your life.
My hope as you read about our wanderings, about our planning, our adventures, our hearts, is that you hear and are encouraged to take those next steps of faith in your walk with God. That it invigorates you to do something to move, to trust, to actively pursue the Living God. My heart for discipleship always sees the value and the impact each thing I post could/can have on someone. Whether it is here on our blog or if it is on my Facebook page. I want to encourage, build up, and spur others on towards what God has for them in their lives. I want to share our hearts to do that. I have never been a very private person, and secrets have always been hard for me, especially with the people closest to me. I want to share my heart and my heartache with others. My joy and my sorrow, and I want to share in theirs! My hope is always as I pour out my heart, volunteer information about my life, and what God is teaching me, others will feel free to do the same. I love connecting with people, sharing things that matter, and sitting in each others' messes and joys, simply being there for each other. I am convinced that this is the best part of discipleship, the best part about loving people and walking through the day to day with others.
I have searched out people here in Colorado Springs to connect with. People to enjoy and to learn from. Moms to mom with, family to love, and new friends to be made. I am really enjoying connecting with new people here, and getting so much time with our extended family. It is hard though! I find myself missing the deeper relationships I had in Durango. The depth from being friends for 10 years, seeing each other in the hospital after having babies, or spending every Sunday together worshiping. The depth from serving together and watching softball together. It is hard to get people to come out of their shells, to let you in, and show them that they are safe connecting with you, and being in a bigger city maybe makes it harder! Many are so guarded, and worried about offending. I don't get offended easily, and often don't worry as much as I maybe should about offending others because I am not offended easily. Which can be so good and so bad, because I can offend and never realize it, and good because I would like to think it makes my self-protection easier to break through. I don't need to guard as hard because offense isn't part of my normal personality.
I have searched out people here in Colorado Springs to connect with. People to enjoy and to learn from. Moms to mom with, family to love, and new friends to be made. I am really enjoying connecting with new people here, and getting so much time with our extended family. It is hard though! I find myself missing the deeper relationships I had in Durango. The depth from being friends for 10 years, seeing each other in the hospital after having babies, or spending every Sunday together worshiping. The depth from serving together and watching softball together. It is hard to get people to come out of their shells, to let you in, and show them that they are safe connecting with you, and being in a bigger city maybe makes it harder! Many are so guarded, and worried about offending. I don't get offended easily, and often don't worry as much as I maybe should about offending others because I am not offended easily. Which can be so good and so bad, because I can offend and never realize it, and good because I would like to think it makes my self-protection easier to break through. I don't need to guard as hard because offense isn't part of my normal personality.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Goodbye Durango
Below is from the day we closed on our house on May 31st. Now almost a week and a half into being here in the Springs, we are enjoying our time here, but both of these last Tuesdays my heart has ached for these sweet friends. I am excited for lunch tomorrow at a park with new friends! :) Enjoy a glimpse into the day we closed on our house:
Goodbyes are hard.
We are about to leave the place we have called home for over 10 years. This is the longest I have ever lived anywhere, the longest I have been a part of a church, and the most stable my life has been. We have gotten engaged here, our first home as a married couple was here, we graduated college here, we have lived almost 8 1/2 years of marriage here, we have bought and now sold our first house here, we have had two children here, and probably the most valuable of all we have learned how to build, enjoy, and participate in community here. The hardest part about that was transitioning from college community to real life adult community. My hope is that now that we have improved in this area, learned the value of it, and cherished this we will be able to do this a little more quickly in other places.
Today is our last Tuesday lunch, a staple in our lives since having my girls, especially after having Layla. I have learned soo much from these mommas that I will take with me. I have learned about caring for my family, loving other mommas, and encouraging other mommas no matter what. The important part about that is moms always do things differently, and being able to love and encourage them in the way God is leading them to raise their kids so so wonderful! What a great example these ladies have been to me as I have entered motherhood, offering advice without judgement or condemnation, and loving me where I am at as a mom. I am confident I will later find another group of mommas, but these will always be special to me. They are just wonderful!
Today we closed on our house, so final. Tears lots of tears here, the last few days every time we left the house. I pray the new family will enjoy it as much as we did! I prayed for that family so much as I packed and cleaned.
This has been home, and now we are homeless...(not really my parents have graciously taken us in for the next 6-7months), but it feels like it. For the first time since I was 18, I do not have a home that is mine. God is on the move, hallelujah! He is doing mighty things! (Have you heard that song by 7eventh time down? It's kind of been our theme song lately, thanks KLove) It's true He is, and it is good. He is so good.
Goodbyes are hard.
We are about to leave the place we have called home for over 10 years. This is the longest I have ever lived anywhere, the longest I have been a part of a church, and the most stable my life has been. We have gotten engaged here, our first home as a married couple was here, we graduated college here, we have lived almost 8 1/2 years of marriage here, we have bought and now sold our first house here, we have had two children here, and probably the most valuable of all we have learned how to build, enjoy, and participate in community here. The hardest part about that was transitioning from college community to real life adult community. My hope is that now that we have improved in this area, learned the value of it, and cherished this we will be able to do this a little more quickly in other places.
Today is our last Tuesday lunch, a staple in our lives since having my girls, especially after having Layla. I have learned soo much from these mommas that I will take with me. I have learned about caring for my family, loving other mommas, and encouraging other mommas no matter what. The important part about that is moms always do things differently, and being able to love and encourage them in the way God is leading them to raise their kids so so wonderful! What a great example these ladies have been to me as I have entered motherhood, offering advice without judgement or condemnation, and loving me where I am at as a mom. I am confident I will later find another group of mommas, but these will always be special to me. They are just wonderful!
Today we closed on our house, so final. Tears lots of tears here, the last few days every time we left the house. I pray the new family will enjoy it as much as we did! I prayed for that family so much as I packed and cleaned.
This has been home, and now we are homeless...(not really my parents have graciously taken us in for the next 6-7months), but it feels like it. For the first time since I was 18, I do not have a home that is mine. God is on the move, hallelujah! He is doing mighty things! (Have you heard that song by 7eventh time down? It's kind of been our theme song lately, thanks KLove) It's true He is, and it is good. He is so good.
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