Obedience

Oh obedience...the thing we all want others to do, but often struggle to do ourselves. Even obeying ourselves and having self-control can be so hard! We struggle to teach our children to obey. It is something that is so crucial to a good life, and specifically so crucial to following Christ. We cannot follow Christ without obedience. It has always been funny to me how God changes us, and challenges us with steps of faith that are also steps of obedience to Him. Today as I was running around our little town I kept thinking about all the steps of obedience I have taken or not taken, and the good or bad consequences that followed. I am not here to say that if you always obey, your life will be absolutely peachy, however that maybe the case for some, but I am here to say that as you obey your Heavenly Father you will be blessed, you will be blessed beyond measure, in so many ways.

Here are some of my testimonies from being obedient to what God has asked me to do. Some of these things seemed so small yet yielded huge blessings for not only myself, but for many others. These are specifically from these last 10 years... (I will have officially been an adult for 10 years this week, good time to reflect on God's faithfulness in adulthood :))

1. Attending college at Fort Lewis College, and being an active member of a campus ministry.
     => Great life-long friends, as well as a network of people who love, and pray for me. Growing to trust God in even greater ways that I would have otherwise, and heart for discipleship and evangelism. As well as huge lessons and growth in learning healthy balance and boundaries.

2. Choosing to live with a family I wasn't sure I had ever met before. Beach Family here's looking at you!
    =>Free rent for last few months before I married my husband. A family to love, and be loved by while our blood family was 6 hours away. A Mimi, Papa, Tia and Bug to love my girls, a family to call family when our family is far away. A family of choice to do life with. A family to share with my friends (yes those life long friends I gained from campus ministry in college) A family that prays for us, that helps with the girls, that speak life into our lives and the lives of our girls. A blessing that keeps on giving. I think everyone involved in  the simple decision to obey, on both sides got WAY more than they bargained for out of that choice to obey!

3. Marrying Chris even at the young age of 19.
    => Growing up with my best friend, life partner, and soul mate. Getting to watch and enjoy the changes God did and is doing in each of us as we have grown into adulthood, finished school, and started our family. 2 beautiful girls, and lots and lots and lots of laughter. We are both so much better because of each other, and together than we are separately because of the amazing work God has done in each of us the last 8 and half years.

4. Giving money when we felt like we had none.
   => God turned around and multiplied our income, and blessed us beyond what we needed.

5. Buying a house when we weren't sure it made sense to buy a house.
   => We bought at the bottom of the market, and it has been a great investment for us as we move out of this amazing blessing to head overseas. We had no idea what God was up to when He told us to look for and buy a house. This home has been an amazing blessing to us, and many others we have opened it up to and shared it with. Many people are sad that we are selling it and moving on. God has used this home to build strong relationships, to be a sanctuary and a refuge, and to teach me about my gifts, talents, and true calling as I am following Him.

6. Having babies.
   => We started having babies when we suddenly felt in our hearts that it was time. We started with a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage at 13 weeks, and it was devastating, but God used to teach us so much about Him, His bigness and greatness. Then we got pregnant with Amirah shortly after we bought our house. She is such a joy! She loves people deeply, she loves friends, she loves to love. She is so empathetic and loves her Jesus. Next we had Layla, who we affectionately call Layla Lou. She is so happy and giggly, until she isn't. Layla is rarely just simply OK, or content, she is usually exuberant or upset. She feels with all of herself, and loves her mommy, daddy and sissy. She is opinionated and pretty strong willed with that wonderful opinion. All three kids have taught us so much about the Father heart of God, about how He parents us, loves us, and teaches us to obey. How he desires for us to obey and see the benefits that we will reap from that obedience. Just like we desire for our girls.

7. Raising Support and Moving to Cambodia
   => We aren't very far into this journey, yet God is already letting us see some of the blessing as we meet with people and are encouraged by them in our vision and ministry. The freedom from purging, getting rid of all that doesn't really matter. The heart changes that come from deeply examining your belongings, values, and heart. Digging into the whys, and we move through this transition. These are just the beginning of what we are seeing from this step of obedience.

How has God blessed your obedience? What He is asking of you wanting you to obey and you just aren't sure it is worth it? Be encouraged, not only is it worth it, but I am confident He will blow your expectations out of the water, with his blessing that come from your simple act of obedience! Be encouraged! Our God is great, He is big, He is good, and He is trustworthy. We serve an awesome God!

"Jesus, loves you, me."

This amazing quote comes from Amirah... She says it all the time.. She tell Layla all the time that "Jesus loves you, Layla." She gets it. At least to the extent a 3 year old can get it. She will sit down and "read" her bible, and it goes like this:

"God made me."
"God love me."
"Jesus love you, me."
"Jesus die."
"Jesus alive! Yay!"

She gets it. This is truly what it is about. God loves us, so He gave us Jesus. Who loves us, so he died for us so we can be with Him. How adorable and awesome is that? This is what our lives are about. This is what our daily mission is about. This is what we are living for. To tell others about Jesus. To tell others the Jesus loves them and wants to be with them.

This is why we are selling and/or packing everything we own and moving around the globe. This is why my kids and I spend so much time talking about and enjoying bible stories, memory verses, and conversations about Jesus and God's word.

As we have been packing and going through our things, I keep thinking about the story in Matthew 19, when Jesus is talking to the rich young ruler. The rich young ruler comes to Jesus and asks what good thing he must do to have eternal life. Jesus tells him to keep the commandments. He replies that he has since he was a child. Jesus then tells him to sell all of his possessions and give to the poor then come follow him. The young ruler walks away sad because has many things. (paraphrased from Matthew 19:16-22) I think the reason this story has by on repeat in my mind and in my heart is because I've never really understood this story, I have always thought, it's just stuff why can't he give it up?

As we are preparing for Cambodia it has amazed me the connection we have with our "stuff", and how many things it takes me several days or more to decide the of fate because of my feelings and connection to that thing. Even things in our house that aren't mine, that belong to Chris or the girls. I want to be sentimental for them, and drag it along with us, even though they don't care. We are living to a small extent this passage of selling/giving away all that we have to go serve ministries who serve the poorest of the poor and bring hope to the hopeless. It is hard, as people we seem to like our stuff. It is also freeing, cleaning is easier the more our house empties out, and the girls are playing with their toys that aren't packed up more than before, and there is an end in sight. He is also moving my security, and comfort from my belongings and my home into a deeper place in Him. A place where I sinking my roots deeper into His word, and into His character. Trusting and relying on God more and more and preparing my heart for His great adventure.

I believe that as we grow in our walks with Christ, and as we draw closer and closer to him the story is replayed over and over in our lives in different ways. Leaving behind that which we value most to follow Him where He is leading. It can be hard, it can hurt, but it is also freeing, refreshing, and can bring such joy.

My prayer for each of you, is that through the hard of whatever you are letting go of to chase after Jesus, you will persevere. You will seek our good Father in heaven to see what He is doing in you, to change you, and make you more like Him.

The Wonder of Parenting

Parenting...

Do any of us truly know what we are doing?

We might not but at least our kids seem to have life figured out... in their opinion.

Our kids are only 3 and almost 1, and they are adorable. I love being their mommy, even on days like today when I just feel a little not here. My mind is on other things, and I suddenly realize it and I feel guilty. I don't want to miss it! To miss this! To miss little Layla at 11 months old, trying desperately to figure out how to move more efficiently, because maybe using everyone else isn't the most efficient way to get around. To miss little Amirah now at 3, and pretty sure she is the boss, or at least should be an active voice in most things... saying things like, "Careful Mommy, careful with Daddy's car..." Haha! But even more so I don't want to miss things like the way Amirah looks at the little flowers popping up for spring, or the snow falling even though it is sunny out. How Layla loves and is fascinated by the wind in her face, and turns a rock or a pine cone over and over in her hands. The joy that lunch outside brings to both of them!

I don't want to miss it because as so many mommies and daddies say, "the days are long but the years are short." I have realized in the last year that I don't want to miss it also because there is so much to be seen and learned about our Creator looking through the eyes of my little children. My girls point me towards my creator all the time. Especially Amirah! Every time she says, "Jesus, loves you, me." Or today when she picked up her bible to read it, and "read", "Jesus loves me, God loves me. God made me. Jesus loves you, me." My heart melts because she gets it. Jesus loves her, He loves me, and He loves everyone. The way they wonder at the littlest thing outside, reminds me of how big the world felt as a kid, and just simply how big our God is. He does love us, he does take care of us, and He is able to do so much more than we can imagine.

Then finally, when I am tucking my girls in at nap or at bedtime... "I need a hug, Momma." Or Layla's sweet baby gut giggles... My heart burst with love for them. (until the 5th hug is asked for... then there is more frustration...but then God gently reminds me of the times I just needed one more hug from Him, and He freely gives it)

I am always reminded by God of the way He parents us His children. Always out of love, not fear, always working to change and mold our hearts, our attitudes, and always patient and kind.

I never knew that parenting would teach me, show me, and encourage me so much with how we are loved and parented by our Heavenly Father.

What a good, good Father we serve. :) As you parent, or even just enjoy other people's kiddos, or serve children. Be reminded, be encouraged of your good Father in heaven, and let Him show you the joy, and the immense love He has for you. Allow your kids to slow you down to see what they see, and allow God to speak to you through it.

The beauty in the normal

Here I am. The girls are napping, the house is a mess (we just got home yesterday from Phoenix...so I'll let your imagination run with that) . I have laundry going, dishes that need unloaded, dishes in the sink, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming that needs done, as well as bathrooms that need cleaned. Curriculum at church that needs prepped, meal planning that needs done, and grocery shopping, and trying to settle back into our normal and plan out how I will get done what I need to get done.

This is pretty much my day to day list or at least my weekly list of things I have to do. Then there are the secondary want to/have to dos. Like blogging, journaling, and reading, as well as support raising (ministry team development). These things are just as important but tend to take a backseat to the former as well as keeping the girls alive, happy, feeling well loved, and spending quality time with them.( I always try to make this a primary goal, really above almost all else. )

I am here, I am in our normal, day to day, the somewhat mundane. I am here carrying on with house showings, church responsibilities, caring for the girls, the house, doing the chores, the shopping, the normal. Chris is currently in Cambodia on a project trip, making a difference and connecting with contacts for our move there. It feels weird being disconnected from a lot of this process, even a lot of the support raising and meeting with people. Mostly because we have the two adorable little girlies. I often find myself saying I am doing this, so he can do that... that is just my role right now. It won't always be, but for this season that is my role, and that is ok. In fact I am enjoying it. Maintaining the day to day. The daily functioning of our family. I will tell you what it is easier when Chris is here. It is easier when he can love on the girls and help with bed time and bath. We miss him.

The comfort is it's all for Jesus, my to do list, Chris's to do list, our being together, our being apart, raising our girls, and being connected to others. It is all for Jesus. It is a legacy of serving and loving Jesus that we are working to leave. For Chris it is our ministry within eMi, and for me it is even simpler, raising our girls, caring for our family, and being faithful in our day to day. I do laundry to honor Jesus, I clean my home to serve Him, I do my best to love our girls the way God does to bring glory to Him, and so they can see how much they are loved and valued.

Serve, honor, and glorify Jesus right now in your day to day. Whatever that might be. :)

When a Household Comes Apart

When a household comes apart it is usually because of a sad tragedy in a family. A divorce, a death, or some other major trauma, but sometimes it is because of a dream, and it can be oh so good.

As a preteen I experienced a household coming apart and then two new ones being rebuilt. My parents divorced, and then suddenly there wasn't a home, not a permanent one anyway. Somethings at one house made it feel like home and some things at the other made that one feel like home. After almost 13 years of one household, one home, one bedroom and one family we had two. It was sad, it was tragic, any family coming apart is. God did so many good things through it though. He changed so many dynamics in our lives, and used what was meant to be only evil, for good. I learned how to trust Him more, how to chase Him more, to trust and rely on Him, and that my security did not just come from my family, but from my Creator.

Now as an adult, Chris and I have spent the last 8 years building a household and a family. We have worked to have the things that we needed to create a warm inviting household full of love, to share with others and to embrace others in. We have added to our family pets, and eventually our girls. We have created a place for people to land when they needed a place to land, and a place for others to come together and discuss the great love of our heavenly Father. Now, our household is coming a part. Our family is intact and stronger than ever, but our home, our house, our stuff, and our connection to these things is going through refining. A daily conversation in our home goes something like this:

"Do we need to keep this?"
"Yes."
"Is it coming to Cambodia?"
"Maybe."
"Do we need it there?"
"I don't know."

Then followed by a whole conversation about that item, if it will be kept and taken to Cambodia, stored in my dad and stepmom's basement, or sold when we leave Durango. Imagine everything you have worked to build your home, going under such scrutiny. Then it hits you how all these things are just things. They don't count for eternity, they shouldn't carry so much weight, but for some reason they do. It is a deep soul cleansing type process to weed through the treasures you have acquired, and determining their value. Are they valuable enough to store? Are they valuable enough to take up precious suitcase space when we finally make that big move in a year? It's freeing but it can be sobering, and sad. You begin to see what you have established and created, where you feel most secure slowly diminishing.

Then all that is left, all that will be left when we are through with this process is what matters most, our trust in Jesus, our family, and chasing a dream God planted in our hearts long ago. How beautiful is that?

21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Matt 19: 21

39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39

When your household comes apart to follow a dream God has planted in your heart, at times you feel like you are losing your life. Losing your security, your home, your peace, and all that God has even given you. To take a step of faith, that is unknown, scary and you don't know what to expect. In so many ways we are losing our life, we are losing what we have for the sake of the cross, for the sake of sharing Jesus with others. How refreshing that is! How wonderful to seek Him, and trust Him at this new level. How encouraging it is to feel all these emotions, as we walk through seeking Him in this new facet. How wonderful to know that our Redeemer, our Savior is so good and trustworthy enough to allow our household to come apart and for us to allow Him to rebuild it, as He rebuilds our lives in Cambodia. 

Hello 2016.

It is here, 2016 the year of branching out, preparing, and changing. For our family this is the year that we will prepare to take our biggest steps of faith ever and change the way we live, and see the world. God has huge things in store for us and we know it. How exciting!

But first, 2015. 2015 started out so simple for us. Our little family of 3, thinking about a far reaching dream to join Engineering Ministries International overseas in SE Asia, and simply living our life here in Durango. Waiting and trusting God to show us each step that was next. As we took these steps we enjoyed the fruits of trusting God. The year began with Chris's best friend getting married, then his trip to Uganda with eMi, and then the climax of 2015. The greatest thing to have happened in 2015 was on my birthday, April 28th at 1:09pm, little Layla Faith Hardrick was born. She was born in to a room full of joy at her final arrival and we were so happy to have her join our family. :) After she was born we interviewed with eMi in June, and did family trips during the summer. Then came eMi orientation at the end of the summer. Then fall, my first fall since I was 4 years old of not going back to school as a student or a teacher. Enjoying our beautiful, fun, joyful girls! Later came the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's and lots of snow that lead us into 2016. What a fabulous year!! :)

Now here we are in 2016, and we can see some of what this next season holds. A year of "lasts for now" as we soak up the FEET of snow at our house, sledding, fort building, and maybe eventually snowman building. The cold and the joy of winter! Same with a Colorado spring that is quickly approaching and birthdays. It is weird to look at this year and to realize that in a year we will beginning a new chapter of our lives in a new country and a new culture, a new city, basically new everything! This is a year to prepare. To prep our hearts, our minds, to lean into Jesus, and trust more. To seek Him, to see where He is leading, and to continue to take bold steps of faith that we are confident in His leading. We get to live this year in faith not fear. Choosing to trust not to fear, and choose to continue in the obedience of taking each new step of faith as it comes.

The Process: Every Step is a Step of Faith

Here we are, we are in the process. It is a long process. This is a whole new experience for us. It is both sad and exciting for this process to be moving forward, with each step we face a new emotion, a new thing to deal with, and our faith ever increases. Each step makes this life altering decision even more real and big. To live in this moment in time is exciting, sad and awkward. We don't know how long we have left in our home, in our town, in our church and Chris in his job. However we do know that God is good, He is trustworthy, and He is faithful. We do know that He will continue to move us forward in His perfect timing, with His perfect vision of what we need and where we need to be. He is caring and all knowing.

Recently we had a Christmas Party/ House Celebration Party to basically say goodbye to our house. It hasn't sold yet, but we wanted to make sure to celebrate the blessing this house has been to us. One of my closest friends in the whole world is in a new secure, and peaceful time in her life (much like the season we are coming out of) and she shared how this is the most secure she has felt since her and her husband were married and how wonderful it was. I am so happy for her, and I totally get it, that is how I felt when we closed on this home. I then had a twinge of sadness and fear rush over my heart, because this is probably the most insecure I have ever felt since I was a child. I am very good at being in control, and having a plan. We do have a plan right now, but it is not one we have lots of control over, and it is a plan to turn our lives upside down. Not a lot of security in that! Then I quickly was reminded of how big, awesome and great my God is, and how he meets us where we are at, and He is the source of my security.

This last week I was reminded of the security I have in Jesus because of the authority I have through Him. The authority He has gives my faith a place to stand and in turn shows me who I truly am in Him. I also have seen how far he has brought me in this season of refreshing, comfort and peace, I get it. I get that He is so good, and so trustworthy that I have very little to worry about, because He will take care of me, He will take care of my family, and He will guide us and protect us.

Lean in, He is good, He is trustworthy, He has never failed and He won't start now. Lean in, let that be your security. Trust Him. He has this, He loves you, and He won't fail you.